Dear Ayah...

2009-02-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

Moved =)

This blog shall remain for memory sake..

2009-01-04T01:27:00.000-08:00

I need to be enlightened and rejuvenated..
I'm pinning my hopes down for tmr..
Insyallah..

At that point of time..
They may seem like the bad guys..
But then now you realize and learnt..
They are not the bad guy..
You are!

If only i had known earlier..
If only i had been in this course earlier..
Which seemed impossible..
So what if i am always in the teacher's good books..
So what?

Does it really matter?
Everyone's nice.. Every single one of us..
Even if he's a criminal..
Every single one of us has their soft and positive side..

If only I had known earlier..

oh wow..

The past do haunt you back at times yeah?
Thank you for reminding me =)

This encourages me to help those who are always labelled "naughty".
They are not.. There are reasons why certain children act that way..
I didn't know my childhood could teach me so much.

Being in this course opens up my mindset so as to not label children as being "naughty".
But never have I applied and reflected about my past..
About my friends..
When I was a child I was blinded by the so called "ideal behaviours".
Well they do not train us or teach us to further understand why children act this way and that..

Children are active!!
Come to think of it.. It's stupid to be writing down names of children just because they ran at the corridors.. or talk loudly in the hall.. aren't we human? little did I know what I did back then could have a huge impact on other people's childhood..
Just by having that golden badge could destroy other person's childhood.. especially when the person's your friend..

oh wow...
never knew it could turn out this way...

Now that i have realised..
I should do something about this..

I do not want other children to suffer during their childhood and being labelled and stereotyped as "BAD" or "NAUGHTY"..

We have no rights to do that!
Oh wow.. oh wow.. This is such an eye opener for me..

Nah it's ok if u do not understand this entry..

it's just a self regulation thingy..

so yea..

just to make myself think..

Note to self: Stop being defensive when you're in the wrong!
Think before you speak!

2009-01-02T08:38:00.000-08:00

Instead of doing my interview questions..
I ended up organizing an outing for my pri school friends..
oh gosh!

I almost wrote..
"Aloha Unitianz!" for the mass message
LOL! padahal tu sec sch..

attention anthonians ur motto still bearning..
bla bla bla bla aku tak paham lirik skola aku..

eh they should try don't forget the lyrics school song version..
lol!
ok i should sleep early..

nak hantar kueh..
nak hantar kueh..
nak hanter kueh..
nak hantar kueh..

2009-01-02T00:54:00.000-08:00

I was browsing through my old blog..
So happening..
I was sooo open and it feels like i was so bechok back then.
As for now.. I don't really have the interest to blog so much and so often like I used to..
No wonder there's like a huge differences in the sitemeter.
I used to have at least 30 viewers per day last time..
But it's only 8 per day .. That was the last time I checked the sitemeter..
and i can't really be bothered to go to the website anymore to check.. lol!!!
I am sooooooo not motivated to upload any pics or anything..
oh gosh!

but internet is still so... addictive?

ok bye..

2009-01-01T09:16:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems to be writing down the new year resolutions..
And how 2008 have been for them..

My cousin wrote this in he LJ..

"the departure of the loved ones reminded me of the fragillity of life and how simple it is for the Lord to take us and return to Him, anytime that He Wills; Lord of All Worlds He is and the All-Wise He is.. the departure of the loved ones also reminded me on how important it is that we treasure those who are still here, because we will never know when they will leave us. but remember, we too will depart. will we ever see daylight again tomorrow? what have we done so far, so that when we return to Him, we will be able to tell Him that we have done our best regarding what He advised us to do during our time on earth? let's think and reflect about that and do something about it :)"

2008..
The only impactful event i can recall was those 3 days..

So many lessons learnt from just one incident..

I have a few resolutions for both duniawi and ukhrawi..
It's easy to list them down.. But it's not easy to practice it..
I shall and will try my very best..

You know they say.. "Don't be sad that it ended, Be happy that it happened."
And i will carry on reminding myself with this quote..
And I can never be thankful enough to have a father like you..
A father who showered all of his love to my family..
I am proud to have a father like you..
I am honoured to be your daughter..
And i'll never let you down..
I promise..

I'm not good with words and do not have fantastic vocabs to express myself..
Just as long as i have Him to listen to me..
Just as long as i know that He is listening..
That is enough.. Alhamdulillah!

2009-01-01T02:10:00.000-08:00

Do you remember your first day of school?
Oh i still do now!
I remembered how eager I was for school days before..
And waking up so early for my first day of school..
But just as soon as I stepped into my class, my mum had to wait outside..
I looked at her and really felt like crying..
The tears were just 1mm away from my eyelids..
wahahah! But then! My kindergarten teacher distracted me..
I don't remember what she did but she started talking to all of us and I totally forgotten about my fear.. And I DIDN"T CRY!!! woohooo!!!
Unlike my 2 other siblings.. They've got a record there!!
Wahahaha!
They cried for weekss...
So cute!
My mum said whenever my brother started crying, the teacher would put a pail in front of him.. Cos he'll start vomiting right after!

My lil sister on the other hand was a lil better.. She kept crying and crying.. And when the teacher called her out to write a particular answer on the board she would stand up.. sobbing and write the answer.. She'll then sit down back and continue crying... hahahha!! so cute righttt!!!!
hahahha!!!

eh but i not bad u noe..
I go to school on my own since K1..
muahahahha!!!
oh don't let me start on my primary one life and my one dollar and water-bottle-squashed-by-the-bus affair..
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!
my longan girls and iep gang should have known about it..

hahaha..
ok ...

I'm sure you guys can never forget your first day..
And someone's gonna start his first day of school tomorrow!!!

heheheh!
yess my baby's growing up..
growing real well!
sihat wal-afiat!

And he's starting his first day of school tomorrow!
I'm so excited!
And so is he..
I asked my mum..
"Do you think he would cry tmr?"
She said most probably..
But i said NO..

hahah..
oh well..
we'll see..

How bout you?
Do you think Irfan will cry on his first day of school?
Place your votes now!

&amp;lt;a href="http://polls.blogflux.com/poll-31506.html"&amp;gt;Take the poll&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br /&amp;gt;&amp;lt;br /&amp;gt;&amp;lt;a href="http://polls.blogflux.com/"&amp;gt;Free Poll by Blog Flux&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;

2008-12-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

While hunting for a place to eat we saw Harris bookstore.
Both of us went in automatically without any discussion or hesitation.
Both our eyes gleamed in excitement
"Business!" "Kid's highlight!" We said at the same time.
We crossed each other's path and went to our shelves respectively..

And i just loved today..
It's been a while since we get to you know..
Talk.. Just talk...
About so many interesting stuffs..
My brain was working as fast as my mouth..
Great coordination there..
And the ears did a lot of listening too.. Good job ears!
And the eyes just stared at the way he talks and observing his reactions and expressions..
She realised.. It was still the same.. The sparkle on his eyes when he starts talking about things he love.. The enthusiasm when he talks about things that interest him.. Just like the time you brought me to the art room during leo camp.. Just like a cute little boy talking about how much he had fun playing with his friends.. =D
While the heart.. Can't agree more on how much she loves this man..
So different yet completes all her imperfections.. Hmmm camner nak explain eh?

takperlah!

niwaes!
I like the idea of mimi mixing around with my friends..
It's entertaining too.. At least he can talk to girls..
Too many gay activities in camp!
lol!!!
Well i like the idea cos he knows who my friends are..
And how are they like..
And you know... enjoy their company like I do..
(he invited himself to our class chalet.. buat malu member jer dier ni!"

=)

And i'm glad he get to meet up with his buddies..
I know he misses them..
Enjoy baby!

Dear Ayah..
There is never a day that passes by when I don't think of you..
My friends shared with me about how 2008 has been for them..
Well, I'd rather keep mum..
Or I'll spoil the day by crying and change the whole atmosphere..

Yes.. Time do past by real fast in 2008..
In a few months time it'll be a year since u left..
So the tak percayer..
One thing's for sure..
The rest of the years will never be the same anymore..

I love you and will always do..
Forever and ever..

Till we meet again kay?
Insyallah....

Death...
We can never run away from it..
It'll come to you..
It's just a matter of time..

2008-12-23T08:20:00.001-08:00

Isn't it a little too early?

School Blues

2008-12-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

"hmmm... i wonder how it'll be like to go to school? Will there be lots of food during snack time? Hmmmmm...."

A Kind of Magic..

2008-12-20T00:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sure many had watched this man in action..
Just a couple of days ago..
I was in a dilemma..
Not only a couple days ago.. more of like most of the time undecided and fickle-minded on which age group i would want to teach.. Primary or kindergarten?

And YESSS they are two different things!!!

Just that, that particular night i was really worried sick about signing up for NIE or just be a kindergarten teacher.. Cos in two months time I'm gonna move on to the next phase of life.. *shivers*
lol..

ANYWAY!!
It was midnight and i was hungry. I ate and was browsing through the channels..
And yes I ended up watching David Blaine cos there were no other interesting shows at that point of time.
And after watching the show.. I made up my mind and have got a very clear picture on what I wanna do after graduation..

I wanna be like David Blaine..
Doing magic..
But a different kind of magic..

What impacted me while watching the show were the reactions of those people whom David Blaine stopped.
Their reactions were simply priceless..
Some were really amused and they begin jumping and laughing in excitement after he showed the magic trick.
Some just stared at him for a few seconds which seems like minutes and asked the most predictable question..
"How did you do that?"
Hahahahaha!!!
And David Blaine remained so calm and cool with his crooked smile and his forever looking droopy-eye which makes him look ignorant at times.. lol
But i still felt so proud of him while watching..
To get that kind of reaction..
Imagine how David Blaine really felt at that moment of time despite him looking so cool..

And while watching those priceless reactions..
Something similar crossed my mind..
I've seen these reactions before..
I know how amazing it feels to get these reactions from a group of people...
It made me feel contented every single time I left this group of people for I knew I had made them happy and created a little bit of excitement in their lives.
And yessss! The children!!
I've seen this during attachment!
These exact reactions from David Blaine "passer-bys" were exactly the same like the children..
And it doesn't take much..
Just sincerity and passion..
Really..

And this street magic episode happens to be also a dialogue session with guest star Leonardo DiCarprio (I dunno how to spell..)
Their conversation really hit me and wow! I can so relate it to this field..

One of the conversation went like this..

Leonardo: When u did magic to me right in front of my face - one on one, I couldn't help but to be interested again. So why are you now doing a TV special. I'm curious. How do you think your stuff is going to translate so different then what's been done before?

David Blaine: I don't work with fancy props, there's no beautiful show girl, there's no elaborate sets, I work with people. It makes the magic spontaneous. It looks like everybody is trying to the next biggest special efect i mean it gets bigger and bigger i mean when's it going to stop?

Exactly! i so feel you david! hahahaha!
You just do something sincere and simple..
Storytelling, singing or dancing with them..
And they will be so hysterical and amused..
Well of course you'll have to be hyped-up as well..

Just being animated and making a conversation with them can already make their day..
And the plus point for this field is that..
It's a two way thing..
Not only YOU who'll be amusing the children..
THE CHILDREN THEMSELVES!! have got their own power to really make us react like the passerbys of the street magic..
Really..
And they can do that with just a sentence..
Power right?
JUST A SENTENCE!

You know they say..
kids say the darnest thing..

hehehe!

And there was another conversation when Leonardo said something like..

"There were times when you(David Blaine) approach a group of people who are not really interacting with each other.. But after you(David Blaine) show your magic to these group of people, they suddenly start talking to each other happily about the magic and it goes on"

AND this have been clearly proved in our IEP action research project right hajar, hui'e, gurmeet and sher???
It was hard to get this particular children to discuss with each other but with the presence of the teacher.. Who is like a medium to these children.. Children get to indirectly discuss and negotiate their ideas with their friends and many brilliant ideas are being shared!
AMAYYYYYYZING!!!

And lastly..
David Blaine said..
Magic is an art...

And I say..
Teaching young children is an art..
TEACHING IS AN ART!!!

You know.. Sometimes in secondary school, you have friends who always get A in Amaths and stuffs.. And when u approach one of them for help.. At times you do not understand what the person is explaining.. And that person has got a hard time explaining and teaching you..
You see... Understanding a particular concept is one thing.. Teaching and having to pass the concept across to someone is ANOTHER thing..

And i'm sure many of my friends who are in this field are a little pissed by those people who commented things like..

"HAH??? YOU'RE IN EARLY CHILDHOOD!!!????
*eyes and mouth wide open like as if we murdered someone*

"AIYAH!! Teach kids so easy laaa!"

"Teach ABC, 123, chicken mc nugget la!"

"You mean you have final year project??? ur fyp is to make babies is it?"

And yes we wished that we could just throw these people in a classroom without any other teachers and see if they can survive the day or not..

It's not just simply teaching ABC 123..
We're developing a young mind..
And it's more than ABC 123..
You're teaching children moral values..
self help skills..
Life skills..
Skills which we will be accompanying them for all their lives...
We're developing them as a whole..
Physically, intellectually, cognitively, socially and emotionally..
Children begin to learn about friendship from as young as 3 or 4..
Children being to solve problems since they were infant..
Children learn decision making in their preschool times..
And there are so many more skills children will learn and we have to make sure that there is someone to guide them.. To facilitate them..
To make sure that we get to stretch them to their highest potential..

Yes it is our responsibility as an Early Childhood Educator..
It sure is a lot of responsibilities..
But you know what?
It is a blessing to be working with this field..
To be working with children..

And thank you Allah for moving me to choose this course as my first choice..
And I still leave everything to Him..
Kita merancang Tuhan menentukan!

I'm sure by the end of this post you would have known my decision..
To embark my journey in a kindergarten as my first stepping stone..
And Early Childhood is a VERY broad field...
You can be a storyteller..
A drama teacher..
Set up your own drama centre..
Design children's toys..
Be a thrapists - Art therapy, play therapy

And the list goes on..

So my dear friends who are in this course and still undecided so as to where to go after graduation..
FEAR NOT!!!!
We have got plenty to choose from..
REALLYYY!!!
Just search deep in your heart and you'll know what you really want in life..

Or...

Watch David Blaine Street Magic..

hehehhee!

This is one of the longest post i've ever written..
I think..

=D

BE A MAN!

2008-12-11T16:18:00.000-08:00

I am an active facebooker..
Oh no..
This is not good...
*perpires and panics*
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

lol!

Anyway..
I just had a shopping spree.. OK maybe "spree" ain't the exact words...
Just that i went shopping to refill my yearly supplies..
A Bag.. and pants..
Hahahahaha!
I think i had derived to a conclusion that i only shop once a year?
An understatement? lol! WO bu che tao!

Well.. Every shopping trip.. Be it for personal or school projects..
I try my very best to.. BE A MAN! (with russell peters impersonation of chinese accent)
Well that is.. To get the stuff you really need and not stop by looking at other stuffs.
Nyehahaha!
Even when with Hazmi.. I kept telling him.. "BE A MAN!"
Well.. if you were to go shopping with Hazmi..
He likes to stop by at certain shops and just look around..
Places like daiso.. I get very restless when i go to places like this especially when i do not need anything from the place itself.. loL! or maybe.. just maybe.. I'm plain lazy to walk around..

And well yesterday i stopped myself from getting distracted from all the beautiful clothes..
I tried to BE A MAN and get the things I really need.
And yes! i didn't buy any extra clothes.. except for one piece.. that is before i told myself to BE A MAN!

hahahhaah!

ok just BE A MAN at that area.. not at other stuffs.. and I'll do just fine..
eyyy..
i dun enjoy shopping..
Maybe NOT YET!
Wait till i have my own Moolahs!
hehehe...

As for now.. most of moolahs goes to fooodddddd!!!

Okie dokie!
so ppl..

BE A MAN!

ok stop it.. i'm getting irritated with myself.. lol!

PS: I'm not saying you have to BE A MAN during shopping trip all the time.. Well, one thing's for sure.. i'm losing out from all those pretty materials.. ehehe.. but i don't mind.. cos i think diff ppl has diff personalities mah.. as for myself.. i can live with just one shoe.. one bag the whole year.. that's why i invest in a lil more expensive shoe and bag.. above 50 bucks but below 70.. but it's always good to have extras you noe.. cos the shoe i have doesn't go with formal events.. so yea.. pinjam mak lor! hehehehehe!

Quick update

2008-12-11T04:00:00.000-08:00

Right before we left for our "holiday"..
It awas my turn to be sweet..
LOL ok everybody.. you can roll your eyes..
OK niwaes..
Early in the morning at eight oclock..
farhana and hami go for a walk..
LOL!

at around eight plus..
I drove over to mimiman's place..
Since he had surprised me..
And since it is OUR anni.. not MY bday..
I shouldn't be selfish you noe..
hahhaha!

ok ok..

so there's the man..
blom mandi blom gosok gigi..
chey!
opening the gift..
Thank you hajar for helping a lot!!!!!
Sesiaper jadi mataair hajar..
Sungguh bertuah!!!
chey cheyyy!!!

and the "holiday"
was..
kinda stressful..
Prolly due to the reason that i wasn't done with SOP..
LOL!
So hati tak tenteram..
And nope..
I didn't get to swim or shop..
sedihkan!
but takperrrrr...
hehehehe!

Well..
It was still great to meet up with them and all so happy..
kan bagus?

and yesterday was awesome eh?
like finally..
Thanks u so much nor for organizing!
weeee!

The reunion of anthonian ladies cum nadd's bday..

It was AWESOME!
Reminiscing the past and laughing about the silly stuffs we did back then!
OH GOSH!
It was a short yet sweet outing..
Well..
Just 3 words to sum up..
I WANT MOREEEEE!!!!!!!

Insyallah..

oh and...
i forgot where i parked my car after the dinner..
=/

okie! i gtg actuallyyy...
oh yea..
tmr's the last day of school!
den the break..
which we will spend on doing our assignments!
weeee!!!

okie till den!!
toodless!

I call that high self esteem?
LOL!

2008-12-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'll update real soon kay?
PROMISE!!!

I'm feeling contented too..
Seeing my beloved family and friends happy..
I really couldn't ask for more...

Yey!
Alhamdulillah..

It eases me to see everyone happy..
Seriously...

All thanks to Allah!

:)

farhana oh farhana = happiness oh happines

teeheee!
prolly that's y i feel at ease when ppl are happy..
It goes with the meaning of my name..
coool!!!!!

3 days 2 nights escapade?

2008-12-06T23:49:00.000-08:00

oh wow..
the amazing stuff assignments can make you do...
it makes you forget about food and sleep..
oh gosh.. i literally forgotten that i have not eaten my lunch or dinner..
and i just do my stuffs till one or two am.. and to me that is really late..
prolly i should catch up on food and sleep..
that explains the light headednesss i encountered this morning.. sigh...

anihoooossss!!
no time to sigh....

I am packing my bag now..
I'll be away for 3 days and 2 nights..
WOOHOOOO!!!!
It feels like i am going for holiday..
But I'll still be in Singapore leh..

I'll be away with beloved aunts uncles cousins nephew..
NEPHEW!!! OH GOSH! ASYRAF! I CAN'T WAIT!!
but puan saviola won't be there? =((((((((((((((
I hope u'll surprise me!!! hehehe...

things to do on the 3 days 2 nights getaway:
1.) Swim
2.) Shop
3.) Sleep
4.) Eat
5.) Laugh
6.) Shop
7.) Sleep
8.) Swim

And the list goes on! LOL!!!
UNFORUNATELY.. I'll have to bring my laptop along.. To complete my beloved assignments...
But oh well i might as well complete everything tonight yes??
I'm done with letter writing.
Done with MEL assignments
Halfway through SOP..
And VOiLA!

wow! this short "escapade" really motivate me to complete my stuff...
nyehahahaha!!!

And yey! bugis with hajay was so fun and funny!!!
DUh.. Hajar mah..
oh hajar shared a tip about love..
Shesaid love is about accepting each other's flaws and said that love is not I kentot you lari kinda thing.. It should be I kentot u sedut thing.. WAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! sorry ah.. i really find that funny laaaaaa!!!!!!! Cos it came so spontaneously since we were talking about something embarassing.. which is farting.... lol!!! and tell me who would sing dangdut under the rain? hahhahahahahaha!!! and who would accompany you in the toilet and entertain you with jiwang songss??? hahahhaha!!!!
n yesterday..
I was suppose to follow her tawaf around bugis street to buy her shoe..
we did it for a while and she found her shoe...
But she ended up following me around bugis junction for like really long..
And i think she's like my gift and love advisor yes?
oh and my vehicle commander tooo.. ok not really helpful in that area..
cos she would say.. "hah!!? i dunoooooooooo about maps streets" lol!!!!
u should look at her when she tried to read maps... comel!
hahahahhaha!!!
but it's really sweet of her to try to keep herself awake to accompany me.. and make me laugh and tell me stuffs abt sheila majid.. chey!
so i take my words back.. she is indeed very useful vehicle commander!!! nyehahaha!
and hajar.. i think if u keep sitting in my car eventually u'll get to read maps yes??? i teach u kay? heheheheheh!!!

oh and tmr's the day!
can't wait can't wait!!
weeee!!!!!

bon voyage ppl!
ni feeling2 nak gi overseas sey
padahal pat singapore jer..

nyehahaha!

adios!!
Happy holidays ppl!
muacks!!

A lot like love..

2008-12-04T07:55:00.000-08:00

For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it.
For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it."

-Ivan Panin

Happy 4th year to one of the most sweetest couple i've ever known!
May Allah bless your relationship till eternity! InsyaAllah, Amin!
I've always love this photo of them..
Damn sweeet uh!

so happy sehhh see couples celebrating their anniversaries and all..
haiks.
when's mine uh? hahahaha!

Thank you Hajar!!!
You sweeter lor!!!
Yours 10 years anniversary right?
teeheee!!!!

Oh wow...

03.13.08 was indeed a memorable experience for me..
After four years..
You're still showering and pampering me with your love..
I couldn't ask for more..
Yes?

Baby..
You're the bestest thing that could ever happen in my life..

Well obviously i didn't know you took off on that day..
It was so funny!!!

Before NAFA, i was a lil off the mood.. Feeling kinda low actually...
Well firstly cos the tot of not being able to meet you that day was really saddening. LOL! I'm kental and emo like that..
Secondly, Hajar gave me false hope when she said she going for NAFA and showed me a shoe bag.. padahal itu hui zhen nyer! grrrr...
Thirdly, soon i found out she lied and both she and kak rynn not going.. sadded luh..
Lastly.. to add salt to the wound.. they left me alone on the 4th floor.. ahahahhaha!!!
i went searching for them at both toilets..

den hajar told me something like..
"u're so gonna regret it lor!"
i was thinking.. wa! are u going to blog about me? hahahha!

So i just went for NAFA..
and this gf instinct tells me that he is going to come out of camp..
i just have this instincts..
ok maybe it's not instincts..
it's called hope!
wakakkakaa!

fast forward..
After NAFA, i went to the car to get my clothes and towel and guess what i saw?

aper keheh nyer bunga bunga ros pat kereta aku ni?
lol!
I was so suspicious..
I began looking around to the culprit..
hahhaha!
so cute right!
u imagine la! only my car have got petals or roses..
on that parking lot has petals of flowers..
so cute right..
u wanna noe something..
at the back of my mind..
i was also thinking..
eh skali cik pon nyer keje tak?

until i saw the culprit trying to run away and avoid me..
ahahhaha!
i have eagle eyes k?
and wow!!!
it was none other than mimiman..
SO SWEETTTTT TAU TAKK YOU!!!!

gosh..

AND!!
GUESS WHAT???
He was there looking at me for my 2.4 run..
-.-"
paiseh la sey!
at least when he run beside me..
he dun get to see my full view..
but if he observe from far..
he can see the way i run..
lol!

Okay...
so after bath and thankfully i brought a change of clothes..
Cos i was hoping that he'd get nites out..

and another surprise awaits me...

I had to guess the next destination..

"Dear Love,

Through up and down you have followed
Through thick and thin we have gone
As we celebrate our sacred date
I'll take you through the clouds for a date

Love is like a huge-huge wheel
You start from below and you go-go-go
UP... and DOWN... UP... and DOWN...

Now spray yourself with the body mist
And lose yourself in the moment of bliss

Yours truly
Hazmi"

weeee!!!
I'm sure you guys can guess the destination..
Well ppl said it's a boring half an hour ride.
I thought it was one of the most interesting and eye catching journey..
I can just stare at Singapore skyline for the whole night
and 30 mins is definitely not enough..
We captured and snapped really interesting stuffs.. about ourselves..
lol!!!!

Well the whole journey was short and sweet..
Loved it..

niwaes..
before makinf my way there..
i messaged ibu telling her i'll be late due to a special ocassion.
And she asked "What ocassion is that? May i know?"
Me:Me and hazmi's four years of freindship..

And guess what she replied?

"Ia ke? Congrat jgn lupa solat and jaga diri u all baik2. jgn mencontengkan arang d muka org tua. n bykkan bersabar dan saling bermaafan jika diantara yang bersalah.. Smoga Allah bersama org yg bersabar. Tk care both of u..
kalau ada jodoh go head jangan gostand"

AMin!

LOL!!!!!

So cute right?
Thank you mummy!
I still love u the most!
nyehahaha!

After 19 years, i baru found out that my mum is scared of heights..
oh gosh!

lol!

ok...
actually this entry ends abruptly here..
lol!
i have yet to prepare materials for post test..

and yesss...
thank you to my cute friends for planning with him!
i read all the messages..
so cute lahh korang!!!!

and thank u hazmi for being there for me every single time..
For all the many sacrifices you made..
For making me view the world in a bigger perspective...
For regulating my mind..
For teaching me to be independent and controlling my anger management..
For making me a better person..
For sharing ur life with me..
For being a part of me..

=)

i want the whole world to know..
i want to shout it out loud..
that "this" is where i know i belong...

"this" refers to his heart..
ahhaha..
yes yes i noe i noe..
kental kental..
pakai lagu singapore..
lol!!

2008-12-03T09:30:00.001-08:00

BLOODY TWO FACED HYPROCRITE!

i hate being nice..
oh yes...
oh yes..
It really DOESN'T freakin pay to be nice!
TWO FACED IRRITATING BUGGER!
Wa! Kau lah manusia yang paling baik di dunia ini yang tak pernah menipu dan menyakiti hati orang.
Hak Puih!

kadang2 aku reflect balik..
asal aku nak jaga hati orang.. nak baik ngan jorang padahal2 jorang tak appreciate kitorang dan tak nak jaga perasaan org..
Serious sak.. pasal bender gini.. kdg2 buat aku tak sabar nak graduate..
klau aku ader power leh lesapkan kau dari kehidupan aku..
dah lamer dah aku buat gitu...

serious sak..
aku tak paham asal aku baik pat org..
menyampah sey org cam gini..
serious aku tak pernah blog gini..
serious aku tak penah frust cam gini..
cam first time nak cekik manusia tu..

yang bagitau pon bukan kau! member kau jugak.. jgn nak eksyen step righteous kay?

ah okay thanks.

2008-12-02T06:27:00.001-08:00

Honestly..
I am contemplating so as to watch twilight with mimiman or with yann and atikah..
Cos kan kalau watch with hazmi nanti takleh tunjuk my excitement.. But i want him to watch the show.. But kan klau watch with yann and atikah, i can like sooooooo relate back to the book with them and discuss on how gorgeous the Cullens are and how sweet the story is.. how amayzing the movie is etc etc etc.... It's better to watch with someone who appreciates the book and movie rite? yes yes yes? I'm not saying mimi doesn't appreciate the movie.. alaaaa susah la nak explain!

No more magic fingers

2008-12-01T06:46:00.001-08:00

Seriously! I've lost my ability to blog.. Yes?
Oh miannnn!!!

2008-12-01T04:25:00.001-08:00

Selamat datang ke gerai Azlee..

Irfan nyanyi.. "Pak Mat dtg ke gerai Azlee.."

lol!

pak mat tempeh dilanggar motokar!

What Kak na does in school..

2008-11-29T07:24:00.000-08:00

Kak na surfs in school

Kak na sells keropok in school

Kak na talks a lot in school..

Kak Na has an old friend in sch..

One thing's for sure..

Kak Na's having so much fun with the girls in school..
YES?

When KakNa's at home..
Kak na likes to amuse herself..

OMG!!!!!
HAZMI LOOKS REALLY GOOD LA BACK THEN IN THE 50'S TO THE 90'S!!!!!!

1956 1968

1976 1982

1980

AND MY FAVOURITE ERA!!!

1984

1986

1988 (MY PERSONAL FAOUVRITEEE!!! Gorgeous rite??!!!)

1990

1994

SO.. Which one's your favourite?

SO COOOLLLL!!!!!!!

Try it yourself!

http://www.yearbookyourself.com/

2008-11-28T03:36:00.000-08:00

Dear ayah...

I am truly overwhelmed by your sacrifices... Even though it has been 8 months since you've left, you're still contributing to our family. Actually Allah was the one who gave us all this. Allah made you strong and hardworking... Your hardwork paid off for you still want us to be happy even after you're gone... It'll be close to a year..

Dear ayah,
We have received another round of claims from the insurance company..
Well to others it may seem not much.. But to me... It's more than enough... I'm truly grateful.. As soon as i received the cheque.. All i wanted to do was cry... But everyone was in the room.. So i just tahan..

Sometimes i wonder.. What's the use of having all these money when you're not around? What's the use of spending the money to have fun when i can never hear your laughter anymore. What's the use of buying presents with the money when i can't see you smile anymore.. What's the use of having money if i were to use it when i get married one day.. You won't be there to be with me on my happy day...
Ayah.. No matter how much money we all get.. All these can never ever value up to the care and love you gave us.. These money will eventually be used up and gone one day.. But your love, your sacrifices, my memories.. our memories together will never ever be gone..... I promise you that ayah...

Dear Ayah...
21st Nov.. An unforgettable day for our family every year..
We will never fail to surprise ibu and bring her out..
But on the 21st Nov 2008.. The day ibu can never forget.. The first time celebrating her birthday without the man she loves the most.. The man who has been her companion for more than 20 years.. The man whom she have always been praying for. When ibu was younger, she didn't really get to experience how it was like to feel love from a father. Well seldom.. So she prayed and hoped that she will have the most loving and caring husband.. And that's when she met you ayah.. Ibu told me how you two met and I couldn't stop smiling imagining the ibu and you.. LOL! But oh well, ibu's patince and iman was tested when you left us...

Alhamdullillah..

Ibu is strong..

Ayah.. Ibu is really strong..

Gosh..
I'm so sorry.. I just run out of words to continue this... I'm just overwhelmed thinking about my mum....

But oh Lord, I pray for ibu's health and happiness in both the earth and hereafter..
Oh Lord.. I pray for ibu's strength and myself to always be there for her..
Oh Lord.. I really really pray and hope that both ayah and ibu will meet in paradise and be happy again once more.. Allah.. Sesungguhnya.. Engkaulah Maha Penyayang lagi Maha Mengetahui segala-galanya.......

Ya Allah..
Ampunkanlah segala dosa ayah Ya Allah..
Ampunilah segala salah silap ayahku Ya Allah.. sesungguhnya kami ini semua hanyalah hambamu yang kecil yang tidak boleh lari dari kesilapan..
Ya Allah..
Ayah adalah seorang suami yang mithali Ya Allah..
Dan Ayah yang sangat bertanggungjawab..
Dia telah banyak berkorban demi isteri dan anak2 tersayang..
Ya Allah sesungguhNya bekerja untuk menampung keluarga adalah ibadah Ya Allah..
Ya Allah.. Cucurilah roh ayah ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. Lepaskanlah ayah dari azab kubur... Luaskanlah kuburnya Ya Allah.. Masukanlah dia ke dalam syurga beserta orang2 yang beriman... Ya Allah.. Semoga aku tidak akan lupa segala jasa ayah dan dapat menepati janji2ku padanya Ya Allah...

Al-fatihah.....

Amin yarabbal Alamin...

2008-11-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sure all the 177 ladies and men in ECH are overwhelmed by assignments and implementations for IEP this week. And yes.. it's is time consuming, brain wrecking and can drain you out physically and mentally.

And yes.. Sometimes having a break is essential for myself personally. So i was thinking of some ways to actually occupy myself with something for my so-called break.. And out of a sudden my childhood heartthrobs appeared in my mind.. Mcm fated gitukan.. lol!

Who else righttt....
Haiz... I also wan2 be in this pic and hug hug hug them..
NYEHAHAHHA!!
cheyyY!!!!

Ok ok...
WHat i actually did was..
To go youtube and typed "Backstreet Boys"

And guess what i found instead?

LOL!!!!
Mukaaa selamber giler..
Mcm nak kene smack!
hahahhahahahahhahahaha!!
My fav part: 1min 21sec.. When they guy sang "Yes I knowwwwwwwww" ngan mulut2 dier skali.. hahaha! like imitating AJ.. hahahhaha!!! He's so funny.. Before that part.. He even lip synced the echo!!! lol! power! very detailed!!
But got one part.. both didn't sing.. i tink cos rite..
the left guy tot his friend will be singing and the friend tot the other way. It's at the 40 seconds.. hahahhaha!
I also like the way they made it so natural but it's actually choreographed and planned nicely the way they move and alll..
SUPER HILARIOUS!
I swear i havent laughed like this while watching you tube.. k besides the first time i watched human tetris..

Serious sia.. I can make field notes on this video siaaa! with interpretations! lol! on their emotional.. cognitive and physical(their movements) lol!!!!

And then i came across another two funny men...

Tak leh angsss!
org tgh masak sia pat blakang!!
LOL!!!!!!
funniest and fav part to me was from 48sec to 1min.
lol! so cute!!!!!

But oh well.. My break was served well...
Entertaining..

Ahhh..
I feel better u noe..
A lil light.. Seriously..

And i feel so calmed and awwwwww...
when watching this following video..

The song above was perfect la!!!
A perfect combination... WOW!

Can you like replace Shania with me..
Then I can be with my boys..
Oh gosh..
Oh.. for my birthday..
You can wrap all of them in a box and send it to my doorstep..
LOL!!!!!!!

Wait long long..
Dun hafta wait..
it'll never happen..
nyehahahhaa!

I remembered the time when i bought black and blue cd.. I was still in primary school..I had to sneak and smuggle it in my house like a drug.. And my mum was the custom of course.
Everything went smoothly until my pangsey, buai, saboh-king brother told my mum..
INI MAMAT! I took so much time to plan and save money to buy my black and blue cassette.. And he has to spoil it all.
LOL!
My mum didn't like me adoring them so much..
Cos i bought magazines which have them inside..
And i rmbered having to spend for a long time viewing all the magazines with them in it at this particular mama shop together with Sera..
Then we planned like if they come Singapore, then they can stay in our house.. Sera take 2 of them.. then i take another 3..
hahahhahahahhahaha!!!!

So kental right?
But still cute!
hahahhahaha!

those were the days....
=)

ok..
i'm really tired..
My real planned break is to sleep..
nyehahahhaha!
nitey!!

PS: nick sengau.. i DON"T LIKE! i dun understand asal ramai sgt org suker dier.. mcm semua matured.. den dier sorang cam bdk2.. chey!!!! oh n yes extra sengau! i tak suka! i tak suka!

LOL!

2008-11-26T07:26:00.000-08:00

I stillll LIKE FAT BOYS AND I CANNOT LIE!!!

2008-11-20T06:33:00.000-08:00

Though this picture looks stressful due to our what Miera would say, "muka bengot",
i still find tranquility in this photo.
Cos it makes me smile and laugh every single time i look at this photo
:D

you make it easy

2008-11-19T15:09:00.000-08:00

plain white t's - 1234

1 2,1 2 3 4
give me more lovin then i've ever had.
make it all better when i'm feelin sad.
tell me that i'm special even when i know i'm not.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
barely gettin mad,
im so glad i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy,
as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)

theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.
(i love you)

give me more lovin from the very start.
piece me back together when i fall apart.
tell me things you never even tell your closest friends.
make me feel good when i hurt so bad.
best that i've had.
im so glad that i found you.
i love bein around you.
you make it easy as easy as 1 2,(1 2 3 4.)

theres only one thing two do three words four you.
i love you.
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
and that's what i'll do.
i love you.i love you
(i love you)
you make it easy, its easy as 1234
theres only one thing two do three words four you i love you
(i love you)
theres only one way two say those three words
thats what ill do i love you
(i love you)
i love you i love you.
one two three four i love you.
(iloveyou)
i love you
(i love you)

EH! SALAH!!!

ah yessss!
i love you..

2008-11-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

Spot the girl who is not paying attention..

She needs a spank!
Nyehahahaha!

Musim High School Musical

2008-11-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

I read one of my classmate's blog ..
and i quote from her..

"Let's not fret but make the best out of this!
Afterall, it's OUR SENIOR YEAR!"

Power or what?
WE ARE in our senior year..
Graduation! graduation!
in like what? 3 months??
gosh!!!

How time flies..
And then..
Everyone's off to start off a career, or pursue in a Degree, or go NIE OR be housewife.. chey!

2008-11-06T06:28:00.000-08:00

Dear ayah,
earlier on hajar was asking me.. "So how're you coping?"
I told her that my life had to go on and i'm coping well i guess..
And then when I came home, ibu asked abg if he wants give yourbaju to his friends..
Den my heart sank..
Can we don't give away any of your clothes..
Can i just keep everything in my wardrobe?

Am i still coping well as I tot I were?

I find it weird not having to see you and listen to your voice and talking to you and laughing with you and getting scolded by you and patting your stomach and smelling your presence... for the longest period in my entire life...

I missed you...

2008-11-03T21:51:00.000-08:00

"Da baik batuk? n jgn lupa makan... Take care luv u"

Nothing beats a mother's love...

I love you too...

2008-11-03T01:16:00.000-08:00

Oooo..
So much hatred!
So much EEEEEviLLLL!
So Harsh words!!
Well.. THat's Setan for us.. But sometimes we portray their characteristics don't you think so?
Anger.. Hatred.. Envy.. Vengeance... "A piece of me" as quoted by the setan..
There's 11 more adverts on these SETANSSSS... DO check it out yeaa????
A reminder for all of us..

Ahhhhh...
Finally after 2 weeks of absence from madrasah.. I was finally able to make it yesterday!
Hooray!
OH yes! It was rejuvenating! Having to once again learn something I do not know about my religion.. The feeling's just aMAYzing! Subhanallah! I think it's because of my ustazah la.. Cos she rawks my chair when i am about to fall asleep.. chey..
oh and we viewed this debate on "Was Jesus Crucified?"
Debated by Sheikh Ahmad Deedat(Thank you 'arifah) and Bishop General Wakesfield. We have yet to complete the second disc. Very interesting.!!
But this CD is kinda hard to be found in Singapore.. Cos of it's topic eh agaknyer..
But Ustazah found the CD at Batam i think.. Malaysia pon ader.. ehehehe..
So ok.. Of course as a Muslim.. I know what happened to Nabi Isa and still believe in the Quran and who exactly was crucified. And they talked about the Bible and the stories of previous prophets. Very enriching debate. I loike!

Ok..
I am suppose to complete my AYC presentation..
I'm in the school library by the way..
There's this girl beside me.. She's from another class..
And she's the type who is super duper hardworking..
I think ah..
loL!
Cos i feel small and tak sepandai when i'm sitting beside her now..
hahahha!!!

susah nak explain..
ok takper..

i do my work now..

ok take care beloved peeps!

=D

achievement: I drove to bugis! weeee!!! Cos dulu,ayah slalu tak suka drive pat bugis sebab terlalu ramai org and tempat dier terbelit2.. hehehe.. i also tot so until i drove there yesterday.. not so terok.. weeeee...!and irfan main itu fountain.. everyone seems to have enjoyed from watching him...

lol!

2008-11-01T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hazmi..

Thank you...

From the bottom of my heart....

I don't care what they say..
But i'm in love with you..

final sem???

2008-10-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

Aloha!
Just wanna inform Internet Explorer Users..
This is how my blog is suppose to look like...

Hehehe..
I've viewed my blog using IE..
Quite cool uh?
lol! but it was never intended to be that way..
it's suppose to be like above.. =)

Anyway..
I've been home for the past 2 days..
And i've been viewing all the pictures from my laptop.
Such an entertainment..
I can just laugh and laugh viewing all those photos..
Sigh....

How time flies..
I'm in year 3???
oh wait.. my final sem????

gosh....

oh yes...
let me warn you..
today's entry is gonna filled with quite a number of pictures from the time i entered poly till now..
It was so much fun when i looked back at these pictures...

alright..
I should let the pictures do the talking..
with some captions..

hehehhe..

intoducing us..
2 years ago..

when we were still in year one...

nyehahahha!
i think we kept laughing and laughing and some librarian shhh-ed us..
i think..

lol!!!! kak rynn tgh zaman healthwise.. hehehehhe!!

hahhahha! aper steam sia step emo satu2.. takleh angsss! wahhahaha
wa bobual cam minah ah! lagi takleh angsss!

oh.. and those pouting pouting moments..
inspired by who else..

and those times when we were too free...

Jumpy momentos...

"ok listen to titer siti"
ready for take..
on your mark..

get set...
JUMP!

Jatuh!

JUMP!

Jatuh!

And JUMP!

constipated but still cosy..

the pic above was taken at vivo not sungei seremban.. sorry if the picture is a bit misleading..
chey!
serene calls it yoga!

who could forget the 3 mentel "mummies"

And the surprise surprise!

nehz passport photo...

in lecturesss... =)))

golden years... hehehhe!

when we turned into stickman..

hajar did join NP string...

My buddy back then..

And the divas performance..

The "MEN"

hajar ngah work out!

kutu pat rambut hijauku..

Ni time aku giler and feeling2 PIMP..

and last but not least..
when the zzzzz monster conquers all...
hehhe..

ok daaaa

2008-10-29T06:28:00.000-07:00

Boo sama dia!
Boo!
Boo skali lagi!

LOl!
Oh man!
I can't seem to upload pics from my phone.. BOOO!!!!

I keeeeep sleeeping...
keep keep sleeping.. keep bleeding.. keep keep bleeding..
I love Leona Lewis... Nuff said!
=)

I should be thankful...

2008-10-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

I was down with fever just as soon as i reached home.
I was lying down on ibu's bed where irfan pretended that i was his passenger as he drove me around to a place far far away in his taxi.

I felt a sudden shiver and asked him to feel my forehead and neck.
He said it was hot and instantly knocked on the bathroom door calling out for mummy..
He said.. "Ibu! amikkan bakul dgn tuala kecik irfan!"
(mummy, could you pass me a pail and my small cloth!)

I couldn't help but giggle by myself while covering my face with the pillow.
SO cute!
Ibu then asked him to take by himself in the kitchen's toilet.
He took a green pail, filled it up with water and damped the cloth in it.
He perah all the water from the cloth and asked me to lie down...

I was lying down when recording this..
This is his third time washing the cloth again and placing it on my forehead.
Lol!
He took quite some time to actualy fold the cloth.
Fine motor skills.

After putting the cloth on my forehead, he adviced me.
"Kak na mesti minum air banyaak banyak banyak banyak ! Kak na mesti makan ubat banyak banyak banyak banyak!" with full of emotions.

heeeehheeee!

I guess he felt great having to act as an adult...
His emotional skills not so bad..
But he only shows empathy to the ppl he knows i tink..
He has yet to develop the social skills..
I am actually quite worried..

Since yesterday, my neighbour has been sleeping over..
Cos the mother's working night shift..
So i can see irfan's negotiation and social skills..
cannot make it.. LOL!
but insyallah as time goes by.. he'll get used to it..
Well.. i tink he feels that by right he's the only one who should get all the attention from all of us when no other kids are around.
He merajuk when i pay attention to my neighbour who is only 2 and a half years and is really extremely small.. With that size, he can do lots of things which never fails to amuse me.. oh ok.. back to the topic..
not only does he merajuk.. but he makes babyish sounds and talks like a baby..
If you were in my course, you would definitely know that this boy is threatened by the presence of a younger child.
So he's not really nice to them..
hehehe..
well not all the time la..
sometimes not so bad.. can negotiate..
oh well!

That's ze neighbour..
so cute rite! hehehe!
and does his top looks familiar?

tara!!!
irfan used to be THAT small!
oh how time flies..
lol!
but he's still the best to hug as fer now.. hehehe!
ok wanna compare my neighbour with irfan?

heee!
irfan wants to make the letter X...

Here's how much irfan how grown!
All healthy and happy.. =)
So you can see how much a 2 and a half year old boy can gain so much in just 1 and a half year.

=)

You know what...
I should be really thankful and not take things for granted..
At the age of 2 and a half..
I do not have to sleep other people's place and i get all the love i can get from my parents.. My mum was a fulltime housewife and i'm really lucky that both my parents are very much in love with each other.. My mum didn't have to work to support the family.. oh how thankful i should be...

At the age of 4..
I am very much pampered by both parents and i even get the love from my dad.. He would come home with a hamster, or cat or even a lil chick just to make us happy. Bringing us to the zoo, jurong bird park and swimming pool.. just to have quality time with his beloved family..

But some kids just aren't as fortunate as us..
I wanna help them so much..
I wanna tell them that they will still be a great person even though they lack the attention that they should get..
And even though they do not get the love from a dad at a very young age, it's ok..
they will still survive.. Living in Earth will never be perfect..
There's bound to be problems and challenges...
Only He will reward us in the Hereafter with our patience and will-power..
We will get all the love we can get in the Hereafter..
And even now..
He loves all of us so much..
We're still lucky to have a shelter.. tv.. food.. clothe..
He will always keep a lookout for all of us..
We belong to Him..

I want to be there for them all the time..

Yippeee yey!

2008-10-26T17:45:00.000-07:00

Finally Monday is here!
i woke up to a message saying.. "our day is finally here"

yippeeeee!!!!

I hope u have no aching muscles for today.. yes dear? =)

I'm a lil worried cos we're supposed to go on MEL today but there's nothing up for ASLEC and IEP.. And i'm gonna be out the whole day.. =(
I hope this won't bother me too much.. Else i won't get to enjoy the outing..

I'm still contemplating so as to whether I should bring my lappy just in case there's a deadline by 5pm or something..

hmmmmm....

i shall skip that idea.. and just relax and enjoy myself..
i think i prefer the east..
I've been bringing my friends and family to pasir ris park and e hub..
And i have not had enough of it..
So you know where i'm going later..
hahhahaa!
plus i'm already familiarized wih the expressway routes..
as a beginner ok la...

but right.. i feel like taking the mrt today...
hmmmm...

hmmmmm..

oh well..
we'll see how it goes..

and hoooray everyone!!!

i can transfer my pictures to my lappy toppy!!!

Alhamdullillah!
Finally!
so now ader semangat sikit utk update blog..
yes ah!!!!!!

ok i wanna bathe now..

and latest check and update at 9.00 am..
there's still nothing in MEL..
boooo..
=(

oh well...
here's a pic pic purrrfect to end ze entry...
a pic snapped using my beloved sexy phone hehehe!

eh wait...
pic of the day goes to the one below..

kuat kawan aku!
hahahaha!

cheers!

till den!

2008-10-25T23:15:00.000-07:00

I imagined sunday to be a stay home day with the peaceful sound of tv and fan...
But nothing of that sort is happening..

Have a nice holiday people!
good for u if u're enjoying yourselves!

Last but not least

2008-10-23T02:28:00.001-07:00

Gosh!
Now I could feel all the pressure building up for our final LAST semester assignments.. Slowly.. But surely... I am a feeling lil' panicky... I really hope our IEP topic will be accepted tmr. Gulp.. Bismillah..

However, for this year.. to survive my LAST semester, exercising will be a great way to destress myself.. right girls? yesterday was awesome! =D LOVED IT! G for Gold please!

Can't wait for monday..
It's been sooooooooo long since we had a proper outing.. yes?
Even your mother complains that your training is so terok compared to ur brother's..

okie dokie...
till then...

short entries and quick updates here shall be a norm throughout my last sem.. I ain't shure if i'm gonna have ze time to update in details and upload pics...

i'm lurvin ze modules in ze LAST sem though...

teeeheeeee!!!

taking care!

i think i saw jasmadi just now.. hmmmmm...

2008-10-20T15:35:00.000-07:00

AWESOMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
will update soon insyAllah!!

=D

2008-10-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

Ayah,
Tersebak adek melihat potretmu ini ayah..
Terpampar wajahmu yang ceria dan senyuman yang diukir menunjukkan betapa gembira ayah pada masa tu...
Tapi skarang ayah dah tak akan pulang ke rumah..
Kadang2 adek duduk luar sorang2 tertunggu2 jugak kepulangan ayah..
Kadang2 bila adek pulang dari sekolah dan bila terlanggar sesuatu dan terbuat bising adek asyik teringat ayah ader di dlm bilik tidur untk shift mlm den adek will try to not make any noise. Tetapi yang sebenarnyer.. Pat katil tu takder org pon... haiz..

Bukannyer senang nak lupakan seorang ayah yang telah hidup bersama diri ini selama 18 tahun.. Bukannyer senanag utk tidak merindui suara seorang ayah yang seringkali memanggil dan menyebut nama anaknya setiap hari sepanjang 18 tahun..

Bukannyer senang melupakan pengorbanan seorang ayah yang bertungkus-lumus bekerja mencari rezeki selama kehidupannya demi untuk menanggung isteri dan anak-anak kesayangannya..

Bekerja tanpa mengerti erti penat lelah.. Penyakitnya yang semakin menambah tidak dibesar2kan.. Malah, ayah terus berkerja..
Bekerja siang malam.. bekerja, bekerja dan bekerja..
sehingga tanpa disedarinya.. badannya tidak boleh lagi menahan kepenatan itu..
sehingga ia meragut nyawanya..
dan tidak dapat berjumpa dgn isteri dan anak2nya pada saat2 terakhirnya di dunia ini..

Kadangkala aku menangis keseorangan memikirkan tentangmu..
Aku bertanya.. Adakah ayah sedar bahawa ayah telah meninggalkan kita? Kerna ayah tidak sekalipun mencelikkan matanya setelah rebah di kerja. Ia begitu sudden.. sudden orng mlayu cakap aper ah?
Ia begitu mengejutkan... Sukar untuk dipercayai..

Namun pada saat doktor membuka "life support"ayah, aku redha dan senyum utk memberitahu ayah bahawa.. "takper ayah.. ayah boleh berehat skarang.. berehat utk selama2nya ayah.." sambil mengucap kalimah syahadah berulang kali.. Aku berbuat demikian kerana.. aku dapat merasakn roh ayah di dlm bilik itu.. melihatku.. serta keluargaku yang lain..

kini.. sudah hampir 7 bulan ayah meninggalkan kita..
Adek tak salahkan ayah.. adek tak salahkan Allah..
Adek tahu Allah ader rancangan yang lebih baik untuk kami sekeluarga..
adek tau kenapa Dia buat begini..
Dia ingin ayah berehat kerana ayah telah byk bertungkus-lumus utk kami sekeluarga..
Hingga kini ayah.. Allah tidak putus2 menolong dan menjaga kami sekeluarga.. Ayah tinggalkan kami sebuah rumah besar, sebuah kereta dan ayah masih menampung kami sekeluarga walaupun ayah tiada lagi di sini..
Adek bersyukur ayah...
Tiap kalu adek bersujud syukur, adek bersyukur kerna Allah telah memberi adek seorang ayah yang sangat menyayangi kami yang telah byk berkorban utk kami.. Adek sangat bersyukur kerna dikurniakan Ayah di dlm kehidupan adek.

Ayah..
Tiada pengganti bagi ayah..

Adek janji k ayah..?
adek janji untuk senangkan ibu k? takmo buat ibu marah..
adek janji adek akan cuba utk masok NIE k ayah?
utk menampung kami sekeluarga...
adek janji utk menjaga yann ngan irfan..
dan akan cuba sedaya upaya utk berbaik2 dgn abg...

ayah...
adek janji tak akan tinggalkan ayah sorang2 pat situ k?
adek akan slalu sedekahkan al fateha dan zikir2 serta ngaji utk ayah k?

Kita akan bertemu k satu hari nanti?

I miss you so much ayah..
Tapi adek tau.. Allah masih menyayangi kita semua and will not test us beyond our capabilities..

ayah..
semoga Allah mencucuri rohmu..
I love you..

salam sayang..
adek..

2008-10-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

First day of school went pretty alright!
It was awesome with all those hugs and genuine misses and hellos from my lovely friends..
Little did i realise that i miss all of them so much and bumping onto some of my friends until i met their smiley faces today..
weeeeee!!!!!!

my D drive is conquered by sickening trojans and some other spywares..
gosh..
i am contemplating to send music files from my pc to my phone..
gulp...

and i am actually very afraid to connect the usb cable from my hp to pc.. itu spyware ah.. unpredictable..

haiz... still no pictures of raya and so many more events..
haiz...

lol..
orite..
i gtg..
irfan keeps drinking my waterand eating my food..
aiyoyo!
he eats burger faster than i do...

!!!!!

2008-10-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Masih ku ingat..

Hangat tanganmu..

Di pagi raya..

Bersalam denganmu...

This year's raya celebration was indeed a whole new experience for all of us..
That's what Ayah told ibu.. He said.. "This year raya, everything will be new ok?"
It was new indeed.

on the greener side.. ok not so green..
a total new experience for me..
was that..
I was in the driver's club together with my uncles.
As usual all the 5 cars plus one huge lorry were all set and ready for the visiting marathon.

My uncles were uberly sweet.. Especially uncle yahya..
There was one point of time whereby we had to drive from jurong to punggol.
Uncle made it a point that our car should be in between the other 4 cars..
And uncle made sure that he is always driving behind me and keep a lookout for me.
Super sweet yes?

Ok..
I can't update much today cos i have yet to collect my driving license !ahem! and shop for stationeries for schooooollllll!!!!
can u believe it?
I'll be back in school in 2 - 3 days time...
I am indeed enjoying this holiday with my beloved family and cousins..
Gerek sey!

anihooss!!

I have not been updating for the past few days cos basically..
My laptop crashed and i just sent it out for rebooting a few days ago..
Hooray!!!
Thanks to yatie and yah for the great company.. nyehhahaha!
I shall update on our outing as well..
=)

Just a sneek peek..
I drove them around and we actually had our very own little adventure..
It was fun!!
weee!!!
at first it was the "3 girls and a car"
den it turned out to be "4 girls and a car"

and the taufik taufik incident..
which was hilarious!!

and i reached home at 1.30am.
and time parking..
teringat abg nyer cerita time dier park motor mlm2..
panic beb!!!

It was an awesome experience though!

oh yes..
I have actually summarised something on driving..

1.) I feel like a great driver when hazmi is beside me.
2.) I feel like a cautious and better driver when ibu is beside me.

and lastly..

3.) I feel like the stupidest and shittiest driver when abang is beside me..
Oh wait.. not only beside me..even when he is at the back on the passenger seat..

Lesson learnt: I should stuff him in the boot the next time he sits in the car..
LIKE SERIOUSLY!!

As quoted by yann.. "Yann jer eh cool?"
ak ah.. yann tak byk cholok.. baguussss...
keep it up!!

ok i gotta go now..
i need to install some other softwares and and get ready for school..
I wanna go through the last semester quickly and smoothly..
Insyallah..
NO MORE POLITICS PLEASE!!!
I'm sick and tired of it seriously...

Why can't we allllllll be together as one???
We can!
i noe we can!

ok dokie...
till den..
more pics will be uploaded by then..
Insyallah!

Taking care ppl!!!!
muacks muacks!

OH yes!!!
SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS!!!
FANA NAK MOHON MAAF
kalau2 ader terkasar bahasa ader tersingung perasaan awak semua ke..
so sorry k?
i come in peace..
ok u all enjoy your raya alrright?
and to most..
treasure our last year of collecting duit raya..
nyehahaha!!!
next yr da keje beb!!

ok i reeellliiii gtg..
till den!

Bila tiba hari raya...

2008-09-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

For a couple of days, having to eat for sahur was a struggle..
Struggle to fight back the tears..
In just matters of days.. Ramadhan will be gone.. And Syawal appears..
No more resting for those in alam barzakh. =(
Ramadhan meant a lot for me..
It gave me a confirmation that ayah is resting well in there..
I would like to think so that he will still be able to do so when syawal came..
But who am i to decide.. Though i feel the chances are higher..
Cos i get to see 3 tanda-tanda husnul hatimah that ayah went through when he passed away..
Insyallah insyallah... Only He decides..

Aku hanya mampu berdoa..
Perit dan syahdu yang melanda di hati ini..
Hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu..

To lighten things up.. i have uploaded two cute videos of ayah.. =)
I think irfan has a lot of his genes.. Doing all these impromptu and funny stuffs which makes ppl laugh...

Watching ayah doing these actions used to amuse and entertain me and make me laugh..
Now watching short videos like this can make me cry..
How ironic..

The following video is taken last year if i'm not wrong.. Days before raya..
Ayah and irfan's infamous dance.. Oh how meriah and kecoh it was last year...

Bukannya cengeng..
Bukannya gembeng..
Cuma terkilan bila terkenang..
Berhari raya tanpa ayah tersayang...

Well..
ayah has many plans for this year raya..
No body knew he will not be able to join us this year..

I would like to urge all my friends out there once again.. to really treasure your family members and jaga hati jorang baik2..
not to forget our relationship with Allah..
treasure and improve it..
Cos we may never noe if this year will be the last year of ramadhan for us..

wallahualam...

to end, i've actually placed ayah's fav raya song on the left side..
He loves the song..
And will always tell me that the song is his fav..

I've only heard the song thrice this year...
Not that they seldom play this song..
but cos i rarely listen to the radio..

i tink..

ayah...
adek rindu sangat dengan suara ayah...
moga kita bersua pada suata hari..
insyallah..

Remember Jiale this way....

2008-09-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hey le..
I am dedicating this song and entry to you..

Hey Le..
It's gonna be 3 more days till you left for UK..

The last time i counted was 30 days..
Oh yea..
Time do fly by oh so quickly..

It just felt like yesterday when we were back in Unity having the time of our life when I browsed through the pictures i had of all of us...

Hey le..
Remember those times when we were always there for each other and were indeed the pillar of strengths for one another?
All four had their own CCAs and were good in their own stuffs..
But when got together it'll always be chaos and full of nonsensical ideas and laughters..
We had so much fun together..
Not to mention arguments too..

Remember those times when we would just hang out at "Let's Eat" and just talk about relationship problems and about the future.
We talked until our food got cold...

Remember the time when I got confronted by two basketballs guys and you were the first one to console me and tried your very best to make me feel better when we were in the toilet?

Remember how graceful you were when you were the good witch of the north?
And the extra two things you had to wear to fit in the gown?
lol!

Hey Le..
Remember all these neoprints we took??

Remember how we always got irritated cos u'll always look good even in pics which we planned to look ugly in it?

Remember the time when all of you collected money to reborn my hair as a birthday present..
And you were the one who accompanied me throughout God knows how many hours till i completed rebonding my hair... even though you were late for something and you actually had something on...
You stayed.. Just for me..

Remember the time when my dad was in the hospital...
You lent a should for me to lean and cry on...
The first thing we saw each other..
We ran towards each other and fall in each others arms and you giving me the comfort..
You stayed on till my dad's very last breath..
Even though it was past midnight and the fact that you kept insisting that I should not bother about you and just attend to my dad..
And that you were alone..
You just wanted to made sure that I was alright...
Even though it's been a while since we last met..

That's her.. Jiale..
A girl with a heart of gold..
She is just so selfless and would do anything for her friends..
I rmbered caro and ila sometimes got irritated with you cos you were too nice..
And they kept telling you to stand for yourself ..

As time goes by...
Physically, she's changed into this sexy hawt mama!
She's so much stronger than she was before..
She's still chirpy, outgoing and bubbly as before..
When you meet her, you just feel so high and happy cos she's always so enthu and joyful to be with..

This is indeed a plus point and i'm 1001% sure that the ang mohs there are soooooo gonna love you babe!

I have faith in you...
I wish you all the best in your studies there..

And never will I forget a wonderful girl like you...
Even my mum loves you..
And i'm sure my daddy does too and would actually send you off as well..
He'll always rmb u as the "ROTI JALA" and the girl who couldn't stop laughing..
When we watched my 18th bday party.. whenever u talk..
my dad will point and say. "ah that noisy girl! " den he'd laugh..
hehehe!

You leave a very much deep impact in my family..
And we will never forget you..

Do update your blog often ya...
and tell us if Sian is a guy or a girl...

Who noes you come back home with and ang moh bf!

nyehahahhaa!!!

Dun worry...
We'll look after ila k?

You noe..
I can write non-stop about you in this entry..

PiC-stop..

See i told you she's a hot mama!
hehehe!

Hey le..
I really so happy that you get to see other part of the world and meet so many new ppl.. and traditions.. and cultures..
We will meet up when you come back for holidays alright?

Take care sweetie!
i love you!

oh yes...

Can i end this entry with a pic which we swore not to show anyone after we took the pic?
hahahhaa!

i think u guys have forgotten which one..
well here goes.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
oh man!!
you still looked good in all the pics!!

heee...

le must take care of yourself k?
i'll email u every now and then...

see you on fri sweetie!!!

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down

Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found

I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go

And I know that you'll be there
Forever more a part of me, you're everywhere
I'll always care

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way

Have a lil patience

2008-09-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Salam sunshines..
I have so many thoughts to be penned down here.
But i ended up fiddling with the blog lay out and the links, which I accidentally deleted without saving. Oh well! Here I am editing it all over again! Oh dear! Lol! But i think it is quite fun. It's been a while since i godeh-godeh with blogger. I am sooooo tempted to bring my laptop to work tmr.

Till then sunshines!
Nurfarhana =)

Ticket to highway..

2008-09-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

EH!!

i got story to share!!!

there was this one night..

I went out..

As per normal.. I passed by the carpark and checked on my car..

Just from the outside...

And there seemed to be something glowing out of it...

I was wondering....

What in the world is that glowing from my car...

It looked something like this..

Sheesh!

So the next day i look at it again...

Taraaa!!!!

CHEYDEBAH!!!

Can see?

Nvm..

I zoom for you..

Eh! P-plate dahh...

ahahhahahaha!!!

menyampah!

hahahhaa

niwaes...

Alhamdullillah!!!

All praises to Allah..

Berkat Bulan Ramadhan..

And berkat doa from my friends, aunts, uncles, kakaks2 and especially berkat doa from IBU..

Alhamdullillah...

Honestly after the test, while the tester was printing my results - btw.. they don't use checklist any more.. they use the tablet laptop thingy.. CHANGGIHHH BEB!!!

ok anyway, while he was printing my results,
i checked my phone and received a message from hajar..

She asked.. "HOW WAS IT KAK NA?"

I replied he back saying.. "I think i fail"

BECAUSEEEEEEE...

I tot i hit the pole when doing the reverse on the ramp..
ANDDDDD
i didn't stop to let the passenger walk at the zebra crossing which cause 8 demerit points!

And so my tester who has a moustache like Hitler came and sat down.
I tried to peek at the paper and was worried sick..

I saw the word PASSED..
And i didn't feel anything..
I was like.. Eh? I pass?

Well actually there was a reason why i felt that way..
I was scared..

ok nvm..
not the point..

i went to take passport photo and went up back to get the temporary licence..

den..

Ibu called and asked how it was..
Den i told her i passed..
AND SHE WAS SOOOOO HAPPY!!!!
and den...
Suddenly...
I was overcome with joy too!!

Reaction lambat bertapak2 babe!!!

I do not know how to describe..
But when i heard her really happy and bersyukur voice..
I couldn't help but feel so happy..

And then i realised that was what i had promised ayah and myself..
To make ibu happy...

Having seen ibu at her lowest point of her life when ayah passed away..
I made a vow to myself, to ayah.. and Allah..
That i want to make her happy in both dunia dan akhirat...

I can't bear to see ibu cry again...
The thought of ibu whispering in my dad's ears the other time at the hospital telling him how much she loves him and that she has never regretted having him as her husband with the most sayu-est voice I've heard coming out from ibu.. it was extremely solemnly sad..

n all i wanna do right now is to make her
H.A.P.P.Y
H.A.P.P.Y!

OK..

Anyway...
after i left the house for BBDC, irfan told ibu while holding both his hand out (tgh berdoa)
"Irfan berdoa kak na pass driving"

hahhahaa!
so cute!!!

and yes..

not only were my family happy for me..

my aunts, uncles, kakak and adek sedaras have been a real support to me..
It was really so sweet of them...

I am really so thankful to have a family like them..

I have yet to perfect my vertical parking..
something which i hate and can't run away from...

cik rosli.. must help me!!!

lol!!!

ok...
'nuff for the time being okayyyzzz??

i did drove for one and a half day upon passing the tp..

it was SCARY..

i have yet to build up my self confidence and be a safer driver..
ahahhaa!

I am so proud of irfan!
It has been a long time since he coloured..
The last time he coloured was almost a year ago..
All he did was draw and draw and draw..
So i printed one of his favourite cartoon and was shocked and amused with the result..

SO NICE RITE??
POWER LA FAN!!

can go to school already!
kak na is so proud of you!!!!

=D

This entry is written in my spoken style..
lol..
so it's not perfect english or what so ever..
i just feel like typing this way..

heh!

thank you for the great support loves!

I love you all!

I really miss the artist who drew this..
Do come back quickly..

Ayah.. Ibu..

Adek slalu berdoa supaya ibu ngan ayah akan dipertemukan dan dijodohkan di syurga kelak nanti..
Di situ.. ibu dan ayah akan gembira dan bersama untuk selama-lamanya..
Insyallah!
Amin...

And then Ayah will write on a serviette, " Will you still love me in the morning?"
And that's when my mum will and can reply..

FOREVER AND EVER BABY!

Cheydebah!
Lomantic hor?
My mother! my father!

HEEE!!

My kungfu panda...

2008-09-06T09:20:00.001-07:00

I feel like kissing, squeezing hugging him just by looking at his pictures..
ARGH!!!!
*bites his cheeks and babats off!*

It's not the first time..
Driving is pretty scary..
I'm having doubts about it..
A lorry crashed into a drain just now..
It was a horrible sight..

So many ppl were crowding around the drain..
Some were smiling..
They thought it was funny..
Well.. pretty funny..

But after driving pass the incident..
I was feeling so worried and sad for the driver..
I wonder how is he doing..
I can only know tmr..
That is after the news got published..

Well,i can't chicken out from driving..
Cos..
You are still bound to get accidents even when you're not driving..
When you're walking..
Eating..
or even sleeping..

So I leave everything to Him..
One thing's for sure when you're on the road..
Slow and steady..
But not slow all the time laaaaa...
Kene padatempat dier laaaaa...

oh..
i've yet to pass the tp test..
The above incident was based on my practical..

So real deal's on monday..
The moment of truth...

Seram seram sejuk bila ku memikirkannya..

Bismillah...

2008-09-03T08:42:00.001-07:00

Dear Ayah,

5 months plus have passed..
I've not been updating this precious blog of ours..
Having to listen to Salam Terakhir brought back all those memories..
Memories of you..
I really wonder how you're doing..
Well, It's Ramadhan now..
One thing's for sure, all the punishments in alam barzakh are stopped during this holy month..

I know my friends are all counting down to Hari Raya..
But i'm afraid.. I am not looking forward to it..
Breaking fast for the past 3 days was indeed quieter and all we did was eat..
Only Irfan entertained us...

I just can't bring myself to think what it's going to be like in a few more weeks when Syawal comes..

Dear Ayah,
Ibu's planning to join the workforce back..
Prolly after raya..
Whatever it is I will always be behind her and not forget the promise I made to you and myself..

Ibu, abg, adek, yann n irfan miss u badly..

But i know you can't come back..
I hope to meet you one day.. (But i know it's not easy to do that)
And that day will turn out to be forever...

Insyallah...

Semoga rohmu dicucuri olehNya selalu..
Amin..

Sekian..
Yang merinduimu selalu..
Adek..

Forgetfulness is indeed a blessing in disguise..

2008-09-03T05:56:00.000-07:00

*BEEP*
Hi welcome to the MNP hotline.. This HanaMontana speaking..
How may i assisst you?

Nyehahahhahaah!!!

Waddup ppl!

FINALLY!

I get to update me blog..
Well, yes I've been moving around here and there..
But i've not been updating anything here and there..
I'm referring to the online world ya btw..

So yes..
I'm sticking to blog i guess...
Cos too many memories here..
I can't bear to let it go..
Yes hajar..
I dah pulang ke pangkal jalan..

So anyway..
I'm working! woohoo..
As a customer service officer for a certain project..
Under government..

It has very much got to do with ECH.
I'm thankful for that..
At first i tot i'll be working for some TV mobile thingy..
But nope.. i'm not handling with customers who are unhappy with the bills etc etc..
I'm handling with more serious stuffs...
Government policies..

The first few days was scary..
I remembered my first call..
From a HR manager..
and i screwed up..
gave her wrong infos and stuffs..
nyehahahhaa!

but of cos i learnt from it and i learn more about the policies..
New policies..
And i kept myself updated everyday by reading the newspaper..
I even watched the national day rally..
And enjoyed it very much..

So not me..

But oh well..

I feel good cos I am updated with policies that is of much help for my family and myself hopefully..

Before having to answer the calls we had to go through a few days of training..
It was brain wrecking as we try to digest all the new policies..
But I LOIKE!

I realised i'm beginning to turn like hazmi..
get interested in political and business stuffs..
and the saddest thing is that..
I can live without internet and msn!!
just like mimi!
ahahhahaha..

oklah...
it's a good thing actually..

nyehahahha!

Well.. at first there were around 40 agents answering calls..
But now.. it's less than ten..
Cos most of them were from RP and they hafta go back to school..

=((((((

And even larry!!!!
he's not from rp btw..
He left this afternoon...
Like what he sang all the time.. "It's sad.. so sad.. It's a sad sad situation."

First it was mila and gang..
now it's larry..
I can't take this anymore..

cheyyy!!!!

one of the day.. our manager treated everyone of us to big breakfast!!!!
cool rite????

alright..
at the same time i shall introduce u to my new fwends...
heee!!

That's AZY!!!
She's grooving babeh!!
I like to hear her sing actually..
Cos it's always in tune..
I can't sing in tune for nuts...
Nyehahahha!
Not only can she sing..
She can groove babeh!!!
And she's totally outgoing and totally sweet..
She's twinnie's bestfriend..

Another twinnie's bestfriend..
She's Azie too..

Very funny girl and has got lots of stories...
I actually dun mind listening to her stories..
cos gerek la sey!
ini girl pon kecoh jugak beb.. mcm member dier pat atas..

THe next one...
The girl who can't stop staring at me..
Not cos i'm beautiful..
but cos i looked like a guy..
-.-"
Apparently she kept saying that i looked like her guy friend..
And i totally disagree..
cos i do not see any resemblance at all!!
hahhaha
let me introduce to you milah..
The most kecohrable girl in our alley..
Tak leh angkat babe..
She always has got something to say that would make every single one of us laugh...
and i always missed out the jokes cos whenever they bersembang..
i'm always on call..
lol!!
and they still laughed when i speak malay to customers..
hahahha..
rynnaa... u rmb how i spoke malay the last time for epicor?
hahahhaha!
history repeats itself..

kandang kerbau betol!
lol!

that's yani..
and i'm super amused with both her twins and her!!!
nak twin!!!
nyeahahahhaha!!!
'arifah kenal tak saper ni? hehehhe!!
I think rite.. she answer all the calls professionally...
aiya.. if only she's still here!

ni minah pat atas cute giler!
farah namanyer...
farah + milah = destruction + noise pollution
kecoh babe!

ehhhhh..
i'm like advertising my friends ..
lol!!

ok the last few days before the left for sch.. boohooo..
=(((((

That's danz..
She wanna kill us for making her believe that we are twins..
Actually.. not only her la..
There's a couple more..
nyehahhahhaa...

ni mamat pat atas..
nama dier larry..
my neighbour for a week after the malay girls left..
we entertain each other while waiting for calls..
and he hates me..
that's why he left..
booo!!!!
hahahhaha..
no la...
he left to pursue his dreams for marketing...

when twinnie went jb..
wen jie and larry kept me company..
And they were really nice ppl..
Even though they're extremely smart with PSLE agg 260 and above..
and having to go jc..
and now graduates of Universities..
they still don't make me feel that i'm stupid..
hahaha!
they were really humble and i can talk to them about many things..
i don't know how to explain this..
but apparently i have contacts who are graduates from uni..
but i find it hard to talk to them
cos they make me feel little and stupid..
with their wittiness and intelligence..
and the way they talk to me..
so yea

i dunno how to explain..
but whatever it is...
it was really an honour to have them as colleagues..
=)

may u find a job in the marketing line..
and den can blanja me!!
hahahha!
four hourse can't chase..
i dunno what it meant though..

i havent take pic with wen jie..
cos he's still working there..
last day then take .. hahaha!

lol!!!

last but not least...
the lady who introduced the job to me..
and who has been helping me out all the time..
relli appreciate it darling..

and..
those first few times of sparks and chemistry..
i think somehow or rather made others believe that we are twins..
lol!!!

taraaa!!! izzaahhh!!
who always provide us with the IQs manipulatives..
hehehhehe!!!
J's not there anymore..
and u're free!!!

nyehahahah!!!

i told u we look like twins!! hehehe!

alritey...
i'll be back...

i think..

My sunshines after the rain..

2008-08-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

A few weeks after your departure, both projects and attachments await me. I tried my very best to attend all the lessons punctually and not follow too much on my emotions - which will emit that hack-care attitude. Upon completing the assignments, i find that i did not give my best shots and my grp mates were the ones who were affected. Gosh.. I am really so sorry.. Amidst completing the assignments, a very huge and major module every one of us had to go through for more than a month was our Field Practicum (attachment). The thought of it alone gave me the shivers and dreadfulness in me. Do I really have to go? I asked myself. A few days before practicum I was really doubtful. I kept wondering and asking if I would be able to complete this attachment after all that had happened.. Will I be strong enough to go through this? Is this too early for me to do something serious like this when I am actually supposed to be mourning? So many negative thoughts..

And first week of attachment at the center didn't help at all. I was very disheartened to continue my journey there. All of the staffs were Chinese and I remembered hating tea break and wished I could just vanish in thin air every single time tea break came... All the staffs will joke around in Chinese and I'm like.. HELLO!!!??? My host teacher ignored me and didn't communicate unless I ask questions. I find it pathetic. With my state at that time, I couldn't care less. I felt like why should I bother about them? I am in so much trouble now and here I am doing something I am not enjoying. Pffftttt... That marks my first week of childcare... We had a two weeks break right after that if I'm not wrong..

But God always works His magic..

I didn't know how and why.. I slowly learn to adapt myself with this new environment. And the children were simply amazing.. I loved them to bits and pieces.. I didn't mind tea break and begin to mingle around with the other staffs. My Chinese host teacher was learning English. And I was trying to understand CHinese. It was really funny when I spoke in CHinese and she began replying in ENglish. We bonded ever since then. My host teacher and I slowly began to share our experiences and the next thing we know, we were teasing each other and discussing about our "bingit"ness about certain children.

Did i mentioned that I was attached to the playgroups? Age ranging from 2+ to 3+. It was indeed an awesome experience. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM TO BITS AND PIECES...

They were indeed the sunshines after the rain.. I was shocked to see myself smiling happily when walking home. The feeling is indescribable.. I felt this sense of joy and felt really contented with life. It was indeed a blessing in disguise.. Well.. It's been more than a month now.. I miss my those rascals so much.. Those bf-gf issue, the outings, the spider tingling thingy, the candid moments and so much more! I miss my boyfriend!! I was changing clothes for a girl when my bf came to the kitchen (it was his turn to shower),tapped me from the back and with his cheery voice he said, "HEY GIRLFRIEND!!!" LOL!! I miss him can.. Oh.. He's a hearbreaker to..

A conversation i shall and will NEVER forget..

After he greeted me with a hug..

ME: So do you love me?
BF: *NODS*
ME: So am i your gf?
BF: No..Lilian is my gf...
ME: *Got shocked and gave a blank look at him*

AND MY BF"S INSTANT REACTION WAS...

BF: *points to me, with a commanding action but calm voice* Cry now! Faster cry! Cry!

LOL!!!!! Kekek dok! I laughed hysterically instantly! Goodness! Only 3 and he's learning to break a girl's heart. lol!
He will purposely hug other girl and then lok at me to see my reactions.. EVIL RITEEE!!!

hahhahaha!!!

i'm getting really hungry..
here are the photos during the second last day.. trip to the garden thinggyy at suntec.. lol i forgot what is it called.

ARGHHHH!!!!!
AM MISSING THEMMMM!!!!!!!!
Never will I forget this fruitful journey..

It was indeed amazing that I could actually complete my attachment.. And never have i imagined how enjoyable it will be...
THank you Allah...

A valuable journey incorporated with much laughters, stress, angers and so much more.. nyehahahha!

With that, I shall end my entry here...

With love,
Hana.. (nyehahhaha!! that shall be my name for 3 weeks... details to be announced later *winks*)

2008-08-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hello there!

I might be moving to livejournal.. maybe temporarily..
or permanently.. We'll just see how it goes alright?

Once everything's settled..
Insyallah i'll update the link...

Just needed something new.. and refreshing.. =)

I am *YAWNS* super *YAWNS* duper *YAWNS* sleepppyyyyy....

happy birthday singapore!

2008-07-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

A big shout out to my lil' sista!!!

Happy 15th babeeee!!!!!

dun forget ayah's last request alright?
*winks*

I'm so excited to see what u gonna do after secondary sch..

lol!!!!

oh yes!!

Save the earth yaw!!

Make sure u switch off all the lights before u leave for school!!!

MUAHAHAHHAHA!!!

i love the watch toO!!!

nyehahaha!!!

love u bacin!

i for ice-cream, i for indo mee, i for irfan..

2008-07-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

Irfan's pretend play..

Well.. upon seeing moo-moo(that's what irfan names the cow.. or is it giraffe?) with the cup like that, i tot irfan was giving moo-moo some milk..
But when i saw his actions..
And him pulling a chair..

I began to realise what he was doing..
He was reenacting the time ayah was hospitalised.
Which was exactly 4 months ago..

Irfan is only 4 and well, he can't express his feelings verbally like how we adults do..
Therefore, he expresses his feelings through actions and drawings and and sculptures too.
Many times he creates sculpture of cemetery.
And he is easily reminded of cemetery.
Wallahualam.. Only Allah knows how he feels..
He might not show us that he's sad literally..
But his actions and everything he does shows how much he is affected by ayah's death.
He might be able to understand what's going on.
But at the same time i think he's confused and wants to know more..
ok abt the confuse part..
i'm not so sure.. i'm actually confused seeing him..
honestly i wanna how he is feeling and what he is thinking.

He'll randomly say.. "lama tak nampak ayah eh?"
But he knows that ayah can't come back..
he understands..
or does he?

hmmmm.....
if only i can read his mind...

but anyway..
he's a happy boy...
alhamdullillah..

he can be a pain in the bontot too..
lol!!!

and i honestly can't carry him anymore..
he's uberly active for his err size..
lol!!!

last sunday ke sat..
i brough irfan to EXPLORER KIDS @ E HUB!!!
once again!!!
thank u hajar for the tickets..
irfan get to play for two hours..
n i had to pay only 1.50 for adult ticket...
if it wasn't for the free ticket..
it's gonna cost almost 50 bucks..
pheww
once again!
thank u hajar!!
jazakallahu khairan!
u made the lil boy so happy!
besar tau pahala awak sebab bahagiakan anak yatim..

=D
aniway..
kakak dier pon excited and happy jugak..

hehhe...

hahhaa!!
although he's active and all..
his size is big..
but he's actually a scaredy cat..
lol!!!
he was genuinely scared.. cos the thing is in was moving..
cute kan!!!
and his reaction was even funnier when he went down the slide..
The slide was really steep, tall and fast..
You can feel your heart jumped..
Kids were not the ones who screamed when they went down the slide..
It was their mothers who screamed..
Really..

i screamed too!
hahaha!
ok..

enjoy the pics ok?

=)

tanduk nyer pon mesti bulat mcm badannyer..

"Mushroooooooooooooooooom"

kalau kak na ader twin..
hajar ader twin..
mary kate ader twin..

Irfan pon ader twin..

taraaa!!! lol!!!

kwn2.. lihat lah block itu..
nampak tak???

rilek nampak.. rilek nampak..

kak na happy nampak.. kak na happy nampak..

ngantok nampak.. ngantok nampak..

leher tak nampak.. leher tak nampak..

what's irfan without food?
it's like books without pages..
ocean without water..

lol!
mcm paham...

so u've seen the active side of him...
he has his shy side too..

He's always so noisy and like cacing kepanasan..
esp when he eats..
the only time when he gets shy and really quiet was when he meet his girl..

his GIRLFRIEND!

Menyampah i!!

malu konon!!!

his gf.. not me la.. who else..
if not for his nurul aini!
lol!!!!
at home.. he was sooooo excited to meet his "Gf"..
tapi biler dah sampai..
when nurul was on the stage..
this little boy hid behind me..
LOL!!!!

and when i asked nurul if she could take pic with him.. she said of course..
but irfan yg buat hal plak..
dier yang tanak..
so i told him i take together with him..
padahal in my mind i was having a mental image of just the both of them taking the pic.
and as u can see in the pic above..
there was some blur parts..
cos i had to push irfan towards nurul..
and he was doing otherwise..
dah lah gendut..

nurul pon commented to him.. "eleh malu konon"
lol!!!

we develop the pic instantly..

(actuallykan.. i nak amik gambar ngan suzairhe.. tapikan.. haiyo! let's not talk abt it k? nanti i depress.. chey!! hahaha)

we had to go back to nenek's house after that for syarahan..
and ustaz tgh ceramah..
irfan masok stand in front of ustaz and held his pic showing everyone he took a pic with nurul aini..
mak kau!!! tkleh angkat!!!
so funny!!!!!

luckily kak na pull u to take pic with her..
or else u menyesal k irfan!!

hhahhahaha!!!

ahhhhh..
klau bebual pasal irfan..
seribu tahun ku tetap tak habis...
so sampai di sini sajer yer kwn2???

Do bring ur adek.. anak.. anak sedara..
or any kid..
jiran sebelah ke...
to explorer kids..
i enjoyed it tooo!!!
relly!!
and both irfan and i can't wait to go on for out next trip to explorer kids again!!!

weeeee!!!

='(

2008-07-24T08:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Allah,
Berikanlah hambaMu ini kekuatan untuk menempuh segala cabaran...
Sesungguhnya Engkau yang berkuasa atas segala-galanya...
Segala yang berlaku ada hikmahnya..
Ya Rabb.. Ya Rahman..

HambaMu ini sangat lemah..
HambaMu ini tidak tahu jika dia dapat meneruskan perjalanan hidupNya..

Hanya kepadaMu hambaMu mengadu..
Hanya padaMu hambaMu memohon..

Amin...

It's never easy..
And will never be...

i wish i could call you now and tell you how much i miss you...
how much i need you...

all i wanna do is bury myself in my pillows and just sleep all thru the day and night..
'and never wake up..
i don't want to face reality..

i'm scared of the future..
i want to turn back time...

quick update

2008-07-13T01:56:00.000-07:00

Hectic!! HECTIC!!!

amidst the pressures and piles of stuffs to do for my attachment..
i'm still doing fine i guess.. nyehahha!

explorer kids with irfan was WOW!! THANK U BABY HAJAR!! eeeeii.. did i just call u baby?
and driving.. just 3 more lessons.. and i''m gonna complete all the stages.. weeee!!! but still hafta wait for my tp.. which is in sept.. and i got malay instructors for the 2 consecutive sats.. and both don't look like malay.. first one looked a bit eurasian.. the other was arab.. waaa! i'm so lucky!! nyehahahaha!! hazmi bingit... but i still think robert's the best! he's funny.. he likes to say kentot.. and when i forget to do something.. say.. check the blindspot.. he'll go .. "tak guneerrr" ahahha!!! so funny! and the taxi driver shared some driving tips.. lol!

ok... attachment..
I'm gonna be assessed this friday by the field supervisor.. God-knows-who..
SO hopefully..
Everything's gonna be up by this friday..
and the load's off the shoulder..
except for their secret garden which is still under construction...

first supervision by mentor went really well.. impromptu was still the best! lol!!
Alhamdullillah..

Well..
Just three words to describe my attachment..

I'm lovin' it!

Will reply to the comments after friday ya?

And thank you for reading this humble blog of mine..
And salutes to those who managed to read all the entries..
And are brave enough to admit that they cried..
even if they're guys..

Cos..

Psstt... Don't tell anyone k?

Lemme tell u a secret..
I don't even dare to read my early entries in this blog..
lol!!!

kak na kental!

ok...

thank u irfan for calling me kak na!

ok bye!

alll the best to ECH ladies and err a few men..
for their attachment.. and supervision!
JIAYOU!!!!

Dear Ayah,
your car is so tempting..
I'm sooooooooooo tempted to just start the engine and drive off...
But nak kene sabar... from nak deka dpt license suddenly tak dpt.. maner tau time driving tu.. pakcik tp nampak.. den takleh drive for one year.. lol! lagi terok...
so adek tgh tahan nafsu adek ni..
ahahhahaa...
and now i noe why u love driving ayah..
cos i'm lovin it too.. maybe it runs in the genes..
and how i wished you were the one giving me the driving orientation..
teaching me the routes.. the expressway..
if i knew driving was this fun.. i'd get my license earlier and you get to seat in the car while i drive and tell me the what to do n what not to do stuffs. and the direction..

BIG BIG HAIIIZZZZZZZZZZ.....

takperlah ayah..
ayah rest well k?
i love u...

2008-06-29T06:01:00.000-07:00

Mr V. had went back to Denmark last Tuesday night.

BOOHOOOO!!! =(

But i'm glad that we get to spend our time together like the way we used to the day before he left.. He'd just stare at me. And den we'd play games on the lappy together. He'll always take the easy way out and let me complete the puzzle all by myself when he was the one who started it! Hmmph! Thanks eh you! OH!! And and his when he speaks English together with his Danish accent was just UBERLY CUTE!!! He even speaks Singlish which is uberly funny!! I shall never forget his green bluish eyes.. His really charming yet naughty smile.. His smell..

He tried to kiss me on the cheeks..
I was toooooo shy..
Teeheeee...
Actually..
I was playing hard to get...
He brought my face closer to his.. And made that smooching sound when he kissed my cheeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But...
I guess that was the last kiss..
I can never meet him again...
Never....

Lol!!
Me? With a Danish bf?
Dream on!
LOL!

Oh well...
THat's my Mr Denmark..
He's always with me when the other children were sleeping..
That explains why I was kinda close with him..
He'd talk and talk..
And the only time when he remain silent was when i pray..
He would just stare and probably wonder what I was doing..
After finished praying, i would turn to him and he would give me his winning shark smile..
LOL!
I don't know.. His smile remids me of a shark...

Ahhhh...
2 weeks of childcare center..
Just 3 words to summarize..

IT WAS AWEEEESOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!

i am having a time of my life there!!!
I feel really happy every single time I come back home..
Every day in the center was unpredictable and is always different from the previous days..
You won't know what's the kids might do to you..
What problems might surface..
The kids' temperamental..

And I feel oh so attached to my kiddos..
And I just can't wait to have a class of my own...
Be it playgroup... The Ks or even primary kids..
I want to have a class of my own..

One thing's really great in this field is that..
You're dealing with kids..
Sweet little kids..
No matter how naughty they are..
How mischievous they are..
Or how irritating they are..
Somehow or rather,
they have the power to make your day..

I have irritating kids and really pampered kids..
They really annoy me at times..
But alhamdullillah..
Most of the time.. I get to see their kindness and sweetness..
Hmmm.. How do i explain this..?

It's just that..
A very important lesson I learnt was not to judge a child and concentrate only on his weaknesses.. There's more to that.. There ~~may be~~ARE reasons so as to why certain children are behaving the way they are.. Like always cry and whine every single time another child accidentally pushes him/her..
Things like having another newcomer in the family.. Like a baby sister or brother can really affect a child real badly.. They'll feel that everyone's focusing and giving attention to their little sibling and not them anymore.. They don't know how to express it in words.. So they throw tantrum at school that sorta thing..

Well... It'll be really cool to learn more about the psychology of children..
I would love to pursue on that..
But I don't know eh..
I have to start supporting my family real soon...
Hopefully after 3rd year.. I can start work.. Or go NIE..
INSYALLAH!!!!
Doa2kan yer?
=)

Anyways..
I am really thankful to Him for moving me to choose this course as my first choice and getting into it. I sooooo understand when they come up with this equation..

WORK=PLAY

ehehehhehe!

But i know this is just attachment.
The real stuffs comes in when you really really start working..
It's a different thing..
But still.. You're spending most of the time with the kids instead of the supervisor or parents rite?

And..
Coming back home to 5..
Chey..
Coming back home after a long day at the center was even more worthwhile after shopping for some stuffs for mummy and HALAL sweets for Irfan.. Irfan will not touch the food if there's now halal sign there.. And I realise there are so many sweets and chocolates we usually eat that does not have any halal signs.. like mentos.. hersheys.. kit kat.. lol.. so it wasn't easy to choose a sweet for him ya noe.. In the end i bought marshmellow..

And every single time i ring the bell..
My ~~little~~ Irfan will attend to the door and ask..
"ADER PRESENT UTK IRFAN!!??"

lol! A MUST ASK question...
hehhe..

and chatting sessions with him was rejuvenating..
It felt really nice to talk to him..
I talk about how my day went..
Just like how i talk to you and you..
He understands and reply appropriately and really really cute...

And recently..
I accidentally damaged his hair..
lol!!
We all went for a haircut..
And irfan went first..
We wanted irfan's hair to be flat top..
But i didn't know what it was called..
I tot it was called G.I.
So i confidently told the auntie G.I.
So the auntie shaved his back hair.. And i was confident that the hair on the top will be longer than the rest.. She was shaving and shaving when irfan looked at me through the mirrors and said..
"Botak... =(((((((("
Den i said..
"No laaaaaa!!! Later she won't shave ur top hair"

And the next thing she did was shave the top hair..
i was like OH MY GAWD!!!!!
Irfan began sobbing!!!
LOL!!!!
KESIANNYERRRR!!!!

So i tried to cheer him up by saying..
"At least they never cut off your ears! But you look good!!!!"
LOL!!!!
quoted by army daze..
and he started laughing and running around the saloon like some hyperactive kid..
lol!!!

The next day he woke up..
He asked..
"Kak na.. rambut irfan da tumbuh? (has my hair grown)"
LOL!!!!!

LOL!!!
SEXY RITEEEE!!!!
i noeee!!!
GRRR!

ok ok..
i really gtg now..
Good nite peeps!!!

=D

Ps: I still wish you were here.....
Where'd you go..
I'd miss u soo...
It seems like forever since you've been gone..

Please come back home...

even though i noe u can't..
haiz..

2008-06-21T02:34:00.000-07:00

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

2008-06-19T01:11:00.000-07:00

I am officially a fan of a particular comic..

Not Archies Digest..

Not Spiderman..

Not Mr Kiasu...

Not Ujang or Gila gila..

But it's called..

DOYAMICS!!!!

Done by tidak lain dan tidak bukan adek Siti Nadzirah kita yang sangat berbakat yer tuan2 dan puan2.. =)

She's very inspirational and brilliant.. She's making use of her creativity to spread Islam in a very subtle, engaging and high tech way.. I LOIKE!!! Skarang zaman teknologi mah.. So she's making use of technology as well cos.. everyone is using it.. so it's indeed a very good way to share Islam with everyone.. kan kan kan?

And I can never forget the story she shared with me after daddy passed away..

=DDDDDDDD

Thank you Nadzirah! Ingatlah oh teman! Pesanan jadikan tauladan ok???

heh!!

May Allah bless you my dear..

2008-06-18T06:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah...

It's been awhile...

Having seen friends and cousin during the happy moment.. With their graduation gown and scrolls.. With their loved ones by their side.. Having to complete their three years of education in poly.. Doesn't it calls for a celebration?

A celebration that we both thought we might celebrate..

Before you left.. You managed to see my end of year 2 results which happens to be the best so far.. With an A plus, a couple of As and Bs.. And a C.. You smiled.. and asked.. "asal ader C?" Lol! I just answered.. "itu susah la.." I went in my room.. And you came and asked with that glow in your face smiling excitedly.. "Nak celebrate?"

Having seen you so happy and proud of the results was enough to make me contented actually.. I replied.. "tak payahlah.. adek tinggal satu tahun jer.. nanti adek da graduate baru kiter celebrate eh?"

I don't know how to continue from here actually..

Cos it's still unbelievable actually..

It's seems like it was just yesterday that we went Changi to send Yann of to Sarawak. Your antiques and kecohness made me feel that you can't be gone.. You were so happy and energetic.. Gosh I can't put this into words..

It's gonna be 3 months.. But i still do at times wake up in disbelief..

Things are never the same...

And will never be.....

There was once.. When I was too overwhelmed with so many things.. I went to into your car and sat on the driver seat.. which is your seat... I just broke down and cried my hearts and lungs out with my head resting on the steering wheel wishing that you will suddenly appear.. which you will never will..

Those 3 days....
It went by so quickly... But it's still fresh in my mind.. The scene.. The sound.. The smell..
When I think back.. I didn't know how i manage to hold my tears and felt so calm when they pulled your life support away.. Ironically.. I cried so badly when i think about it..

Gosh..
I'm so tired.....

Happy father's day!

2008-06-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm glad i was moved to organize father's day last year together with the muskerinas..
It was indeed one of the bestest celebration we had..
Everyone was there..

All the daddies participated in the games..
And ayah won for all the games ah..
His own effort..
I didn't even tell him what game was coming out..
And then people thought it was like a lil bit of cheating..
cos one of the main organizer happens to be me..
and the father of the organizer happens to win most of the game..
lol..
padahal padahal..

i'm just so glad he get to celebrate father's day with all the other family members and make everyone laugh like he would always do...

insyallah i'll upload the video during last yr's father's day celebration...
=)

oh and...

I wanna watch this!!!

i think he's as cute as ayah..
hehehehe!

Peek-tures

2008-06-13T00:51:00.000-07:00

Something randerm..
Teeheee... =)

May the best man wins!
LOL!
Close-up!

Seems that daddy's going for the head while irfan loses out pretty much a lot...
lol!
so cute rite?

But nothing beats watching soccer..

I even get to complete drawing a pic of them..

Teeheee! Bored.. mah..

Dear Honda Fit..
I'm so gonna get my hands on you real soon..
Teehee..
Pretty exciting aye..

Oh and yes..
you too shadira...

Something amazing

2008-06-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

It was supposed to be a Mother's day surprise.. But it was only framed up a couple of days ago.. Lol.. I'm quite inefficient at times!!! But anyhoos... I developed the pic to 20 by 30 and framed it up on the wall in my mummy's room.. MUMMY LOVED IT!!! =)

and i think daddy likes it too..
Cos what happened was... a day after my the frame is up.. Mum dreamt about daddy.. And in the dream.. He was really happy. Both of them were about to perform Subuh prayers. He was wearing his kain pelikat and smiling away happily at the same time.. I can imagine his cute face folding the kain.. My mum wanted to hug him but she had her ablution already. So she'll do that only after the prayers. During the prayers.. my dad was playing with her lips and my mum was wondering why he did that. She was thinking that she's gonna get him back after her prayers.
So after she beri salam.. She turned around to see no one was there..

Compared to the previous dream she had..
My dad was looking glum and she told him not to be sad..
Den dad warned her and pointed to the floor..
"Be careful.. It's slippery"

My mum looked down to see that she's standing on a beautiful carpet.
She was wondering why he said that..
It's like giving her a warning or something..

So in contrast to this recent dream which coincidentally occurs a day after the frame was up...
We'd like to think that..
Maybe he saw the picture and is really happy that it is up in their room..
I don't know..
Wallahualam..

Sometimes I can't help but to wonder..
How is he doing in the other world...
One thing's for sure..
We'll never stop sending prayers to you there..

I really hope you're happy like the dream ibu had...

PS I love you..
PS i miss you..

Things I choose to do still matters to you ayah..
I'm not going to forget that..
So I shall strive for the best..
And aim to where i wanna go like i always told you always when we ate together..

Teeheee!!!

=D

2008-06-12T23:45:00.000-07:00

Please pay this please pay that..

Please wait for this please wait for that..

Amazing how they keep asking us to pay this and that..

But when it comes to giving us OUR money..

"oh we have to investigate bla bla bla"

"oh sorry.. We have to check first.. could you wait.. we'll get back to you soon"

"oh we havent checked.. bla bl abla"

BULL i tell you.....

It's been 3 months..

The agent herself know that no one's supporting us...

So when we keep quiet.. jorang pon naik lemak lor!

they said 3 to 6 weeks..

But it's almost 3 months...

Waaa waaa waaadeh wadeh!

policy this policy that..

Two BULLS for you!

I actually foresee that this kinda BULL will surface ever since we got the letter saying that they have to investigate some stuf while the agent was saying that everything was going smoothly and that the claim has been approved.. BLAAA BLAAA BLAAA!!!

BULLSSS!!!!

By the end of this week..

I am sooooo gonna call the manager up if there's no news from you ms agent..

It's not one million that you have to give us..

not even half a million..

I really don't see what's so hard about returning OUR money when our father has been investing in your company for almost ten years!

nak kene sekel!

EHHHH!!!!

speaking of which..

I received a surprise call from an old pal a few weeks ago..
He used to always say "sekel karang!"..
Lol! that's why i remembered him when i used the word sekel..

He was at Brazil when he received the news that my dad passed away..
So last few weeks.. His ship was sailing some where near singapore.. that was why he could call me.. AWWW!!!

And yes! It was a pleasant sweet surprise to hear from the man himself.. =D
Thank you fwend! =)

Speaking of friends..
I kept bumping onto my sec sch friends at BBDC..
First it was bah at the practice room..

Then the next day i had driving practical..
Was going round the circuit when i had to change lane..
I didn't check my blind spot.. And oops!!
I almost hit the car next to me..
I turned to look at the driver..
And the driver raised his hand to indicate that he's sorry..
I was so excited for the driver who was saying sorry was my cute blur sotong sec sch friend..
HAHAHAHHA!
SIM WEI MENG AH!!!!!!!!
SOOO CUUUUTEEEEEE!!! den i read lipped his lips which said.. "FARHANA!" Den we waved and exchanged smiles... SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT CUTE BOY! lol!!
He's like a little boy.. so cute!
And he have always been polite ever since sec one..
Even when i was the one who's wrong for not checking my blind spot.. He was the one who apologised.. HEHEHEHE!!
I tried to look for him after the lesson.. But there were just too many people..

So i went back home when i heard someone from behind said... "ni mcm farhana jer ni.."
I turned around and CHEYYY!!!!! si mr chey!!! maner aku pergi mesti dier ader.. FULamak betol! ahhahaha! member dah nak pass motor nampak... powderFUL! ahahhaha...

I bump onto sec sch friends whom i didn't think i would..
But i didn't get to meet my fav sec sch fwend which i tot i would..
lol! Shiiiaaaapaaa lagiiii.... =)

OH N IRFAN GOT TO TAKE PICTURE WITH HIS GF!!!
HE WAS SOOO HAPPY THAT HE FRAMED THAT PIC INSTEAD OF THE PIC I TOOK WITH HIM!!

woots!
the pic is in mimi's cam..
cannot upload..

as fer now...

toodlesss!!!
=)

2008-06-04T06:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

Your youngest son has just turned 4...
We had a mini celebration.
A very sincere and heart warming moment was after he received his first present which was a water bottle. He squealed upon receiving it and went to us and said sincerely, "Irfan happy!" and hugged each one of us. It almost brought me to tears. It was very touching the way he said that.

Dear Ayah..
I was waiting for Mimi who was sending his army uniform to some place near IMM.
It was overwhelming for me when I went IMM the other time.
Reason being, the last ever time I went there was with you and Irfan. I didn't know why i walked around, usually i'll just stay at one place and read a book. Maybe God moved me to walk around to think back of those moments I had with you, even though i was feeling so lethargic.

All those furnitures on sale.. Reminded me of the previous trip I had with Irfan and you. You were pointing to me several sofas which you found attractive and we talked and window shopped. Little did I know that you have been wanting to change our sofa and has been pestering ibu about it. You had already planned to take 4 days off your work to paint the house with us. You told ibu that everything's going to be new and different for this year's raya.. Now I know what you meant by new and different.. raya without you...

I walked pass long john and remembered those happy times when our family ate there laughing and just watching you teasing ibu and irfan, when at that time, hazmi and family appeared and that was the first time ibu and you met hazmi's parents. Everything was unplanned. Ibu and you were so funny.

I walked and teared and walked again and teared again until Mimi arrived.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything, cos the first thing that will come out from my mouth will be about you.. So I just kept quiet. We went to banquet and mimi bought the food. The place where you always bought your healthy food which made me thought at that time.. For how long will you have to eat these untasty healthy food just to control ur diet and high blood pressure.. I felt sorry for you. But God answered my question when he took you away.. Ayah, pat syurga nanti kiter leh makan mcm2 ok? tak payah worry pasal health..

when mimi brought the food to the table, right behind him I saw a familiar face.. It was my cousin nisa and her mother, my aunt, cik ju. I salam-ed her and she asked "How are you?" I got the strong urge to tell her, "I'm not ok.. It's Ayah... There's so many things which reminds me of ayah over here.. I cannot take it..." But instead.. I just said.. "I'm ok.." and smiled trying so extremely hard to hold back my tears. Mimi saw the tears and kept asking. But I didn't want to tell him.. For I'll break down and cry instantly. I just gobbled my laksa not savouring the taste of it at all.. This tactic was to actually distract myself from crying. I didn't get to enjoy my laksa. Lol.

Dear Ayah,
Sundays without you is really boring. You would usually bang the cupboard and shout asking us to wake up. You tried your very best to irritate us. which is really funny. Now, I wake up on Sundays with tears and in the evening, we'll visit you at the cemetery.

I miss your voice..
Your laughter...
Your antics..
I miss you...

I need you...

Please come back home..

Or please appear more in my dreams..

I want to talk to you...

Adek belom sempat balas jasa ayah..

Haiz...

Irfan Idraki Bin Kamalruzaman

2008-05-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

Quite recently, irfan drew this..

It's a picture depicted when you were in the hospital.
On the far left is the door to your ward.

That's you on the bed. He said, your eyes and mouth were closed.
And the other line below your mouth which he drew were your beard.

The scribbles next to you were the machines that was in ur ward. Yes, just like how Irfan drew, the machines were really occupying most of the space.

And lastly, the four circle represents four people.
The one right below is the doctor, followed by ibu, bro and the top one is himself. He drew him the furthest reason being he was always outside of the ward playing ammar and all.

There's this picture he drew.. It was a picture of a cemetery..
I can't seem to find it..

"Ayah kiut.. Ayah buat irfan ketawa.. Ayah Kelakar.."

"Tapi ayah dah takder.."

To hear that coming from Irfan's mouth...
Gosh.. Only God knows..

I'll just pray for the best for his future..
Insyallah.. I'll guide him to lead the correct path..

We have got a major decision to make..
But Ibu has promised you that she'll enroll him in a full time madrasah.
Insyallah..

It is indeed scary..
But i'm just hoping and praying for the best..

Thank you to all who participated in the "survey".
Lol!
I get to regulate my mind and be open about this.
Sorry mimi i blew up for the different opinions we have!

So therefore ladies and gentleman.. after much debating with mimiman and interviewing friends esp mat tau, i am happy and glad to say that this motion shall, must and will stand.

I rest my case..

So what's the motion?
Should Irfan be enrolled in a full time madrasah?

Ehehehe..

I actually have video of Irfan..
A conversation we had recently about you ayah..
He's so fat and cute..
Irresistible!
GRRRR!!!

And blogger doesn't want to publish it..
Next time maybe..
Insyallah...

I just can't help myself but to think..

What's breaking fast gonna be like without you??
What's buying raya clothe at geylang be like without you???
What's eating dendeng at the bazaar like without you????
What's the nite of Raya be like without you?????
What's Raya gonna be like without you????

I dun wanna noe.. Realli..
Cos I noe I'll get emotionally drenched out just thinking about that..

Gosh..

But the day will come soon..

Bismillah...

I'm trying to be strong..
I went to the gym and all..
ok lame..

ok ayah...
i gotta eat....

I was folding the clothes just now..

It made me thought of the time after you left..
I was folding the clothes that time.. And then there it was..
Your singlet.. And the huge pants..
Which you wore just a few nites ago...
Folding the clothes which you won't be wearing anymore..

I miss you..

truly..

wished i get to say this to you when you were alive..
"I love you."

ok no time for regret..
haiz..

Legacy of a man.

2008-05-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

It's been a while since i've updated the blog.
Anyway ayah. Todays marks the 40 days since you left..

This morning, I forgot what exactly I was doing, but the doorbell rang and yann went to receive it. She then called out for me and said that it was for me.

I was wondering.. who could it be?
Anxiety strikes in.

Posto posto. Skali potman da...

I had to sign on a paper which looks like an attendance sheet for lecture, but the difference is that after signing, i was given a box which looks like this...

Hmmmmm....
ok....
cute handwriting..
must be from someone cute..

SECRET SOME MORE!!!!

So what's inside the boxx???

ANOTHER BOX!!

Teeheee!!!!!

I was soooooo exciteddd!!!

And so was Irfan. Suddenly, his body got stucked on mine and kept pestering me to open the box. Macam present dia pulak!
Kids being kids kan..
hehehe...

It was from my secret admirers!!!!
I have secret admirers!!!!!

Muahahahahha!!!
There were stars and a heart in the box!!!
I was sooo excited!!!

Yes finally!
Thank you 'arifah!!!
n yes.. Thank you to sonnyful as well!!!

=D

Did i tell u i love surprises?

hehehhe!
That really made my day...

Speaking of surprises..
On the 1st of may..
Mimi brought me out...

Well, he didn't tell me where we were going and keeps taking out his book to look at the map and was extremely secretive about it.
At first it was really cute and i found it really sweet.
But it gets irritating as time goes by.
LOL!

But anihooosss!
After we got lost! Lol!
We took a cab and VOILA!!!!
We reached our destination.
Guess where we went to..

Still clueless?
I'll give you a clue..

Does this ring any bell?

Nope?

How bout this one?

Heee..
Yeapppp!
Bukit Chandu it was!

I loike!

The museum should be bigger though...

Well we went to eat after that and right before we left, he told me the reason why he brought me to bukit chandu..

Mimiman said, " Every man leaves a legacy behind and will never be forgotten."

I just nodded and in my mind i was thinking. "Yea, Lieutenant Adnan left a legacy and he is still remembered till now.."
Lieutenant Adnan yang aku fikirkan..

I was too blur to realise his actual meaning and who exactly he was referring to until I went back home and saw the real surprise.

I set it up..

He bought a beautiful lamp which lights up a picture frame.

I cried instantly upon seeing the picture..

The picture was taken before sending Hazmi off to Taiwan.
He really loves me..
He didn't have the heart to let his daughter stay in Changi Airport alone at 2am right after the bf left for taiwan.

It was indeed a pleasant surprise.
Thank you sweetie...

And yes.. Ayah left a legacy behind and he will never be forgotten..

Ayah,
Adek rindu pat ayah..

Ayah,
A sweet senior wrote me this,

" Cry every now and then. When u're done, wipe away those tears and start on what u've worked for again.its ok to be human."

I really liked what she said..
It indeed gave me hope..
For I know that there are still people out there who cares and acknowledge how i feel.
And that they do not expect me to get over this really soon..
They made me feel that it is ok to cry..
It is really ok to cry..
But once I'm done, i should carry on with life and give my full shot...

Thank you sweet senior...
I will keep this in mind...

Buses.
The only place and time when I get to be alone and the only time and place when I couldn't help myself but think about you ayah..

There was once when I took 985 from the driving center to school..
The route was the exact route when you sent me for tuition with your van..
I couldn't help myself but just cry...

Ok...
This post was suppose to be a happy post..
I'm sorry..

Dear ayah,
I miss you..

Good night ayah...

2008-04-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah..

I miss you...

='(

At times like this I feel like a 5 year old kid who's crying and wanting her daddy so badly..

At times like this, I really do feel lost without you.

You were the head of the family.. The man who decides for our family.

I'm scared for the future.. For our family..

Ya Tuhan...

Berikanlah kami sekeluarga kekuatan untuk menempuhi segala cabaran2..

Amin..

2008-04-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayahku yang paling comel dihatiku,

After your departure from this world, no doubt that my life has changed. The way I perceive things and life changes too. Having to learn more about Islam and Allah do ease my mind so as to why calamities occur. It is also a way for us to improve and strengthen our relationship with our Creator.

Allah, the Most Generous, Most Kind, gives to His slave more than he can hope for before he even asks. He is not distracted and He listens to all; He does not get confused by being asked for so many things; He does not tire when people persist in calling upon Him. Rather, He loves them to persist in calling Him and He likes to be asked; He gets angry when He is not asked. He is kind to His slave when His slave does not care about Him; He conceals His slave when His slave does not conceal himself; He shows mercy to His slave when His slave does not show mercy to Himself.

How can hearts not love Him when no one guides them to do good deeds but Him, when no one takes away evil deeds but Him, when no one answers prayers, forgives errors, conceals faults, relieves distress, comes to the aid of the desperate and grants blessings and mercy except Him?

And when afflicted with calamity, always remind ourselves and recite. Innalillahi wainnalillahi rojiun.. "Truly to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return."

For those who are patient and accepts fate, they shall and will receive their reward in full, without reckoning.

Allah has not created mankind to torment them, rather He has created them to test them, purify them and discipline them..

So let us all seek mercy, comfort and pleasure for Him, (may He be exalted and glorified), by remembering Him, giving thanks to Him, reading His Book, and following His Messenger (Blessings and Peace be upon Him).

Amin.

PS: Ayah, You'll always live in our prayers and heart. =)
PS, I love you..

Some paragraphs were extracted from the book above.
Brilliant!
Thank you Fazliah for the brilliant gift!
It is indeed beneficial!
Jazakallahu Khayran!

2008-04-18T01:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

There's been a change in our class's timetable.
Tuesday's and Friday's tutorials have been merged to the days before it which are Monday and Thursday. As a result, we have to go to school only twice a week. I felt quite relieved for I'll get to spend more time with Ibu and Irfan.

Dear Ayah,

I gotta say.. Having to go through the day isn't that easy especially when I made my way to school. I'd always bump into you when you're on the way home. You're either walking past NTUC where I get to salam you and talk to you for a while or you might be across the street and you'll shout my name and wave at me while walking. I'll be so happy to see you and wave so enthusiastically!

But I realised that that can never happen anymore..

School eventually kept me busy and lovely Longanians kept me occupied and made me feel good everyday.. Thanks girls..

That was in the day..

But going through life at night was even harder..
The atmosphere at home's totally different when you're not around.
Yes I know at times, you won't be around at night when you're in the night shift..
But it's just so different right now.. I remembered not having to see you for quite some time when you were doing night shift. Cos when I'm at school, you'll be home.. And by the time I reach home, you'll be at work.. That explains why I'll be so happy whenever I bumped into you on my way to school.. But when our path didn't meet, I began missing you.. And mum told me to message you telling you that i miss you.. Like at least tell you that i think abt you that sorta thing. I regretted not doing so. Well, that's the thing with me and maybe some of you are kinda guilty of this. We dun mind telling our boyfriend how much we miss them yada yada yada, but when it comes to our own parents, and for my case, my dad.. you'll feel shy or awkward, embarassed la.. paiseh la... itu la ini lahh... to just say say "I miss you ayah", or ask, "How are you ayah?" Is that so hard Farhana? Well yes, I regret not doing so. I am missing you so much and now I can't even call you or tell you that. Hanya doa-doa saja yang boleh ku kirimkan padamu ayah..

When I was at Perth for 10 days, every night without fail, you'll make a long distant call from Singapore to check on me and ask how I've been doing and i'll try my best to summarize all that had happened in the day with excitement within a few minutes. Cos i know it's expensive to be calling from Singapore. I felt really relieved and this feeling of comfort after talking to you. You were really my pillar of comfort and security..

I should have just done that la.. Just call you and ask how you're doing..
But.. No time for regrets now rite?

Dari Saad Bin Abi Waqas r.a, Rasullullah bersabda, "Nafkah yang anda berikan semata- mata kerana Allah, nescaya diberi pahala oleh Allah. Bahkan apa yang anda berikan untuk makan isteri anda (belanja rumahtangga) akan diberi pahala juga oleh Allah" (Sahih Bukhari)

Dear Ayah,
Allah knows you've been working so hard for the family.
Your payslip stated that you had at least worked 100 hours of overtime every single month.
Just to make sure that we're well and comfortable.
You're a very family man.
You come straight home right after work and made sure you get to spend time with us as well.
Even you were in pain, you never complained about it and still made your way to work..

When you were in the hospital, streams of people came down to visit you. The people were like a waterfall, kept coming and coming and coming.. In my mind.. I was thinking to myself that you were a really great man, not only to your family but to your friends as well.. People from the highest authority to the normal workers all came down to visit you ayah.. You're such a great person ayah..

All your family were there till your very last breath.. Praying together for you..
Your friends from Shimano came down to our house before your burial for their last visit. They filled up our whole living room and balcony. They jammed the linkway from the balcony to our living room..

I know your soul were there to witness all these..
When they were about to take out your life support I quickly wiped my tears and stopped crying and began to smile.
Cos i get to see how great you were ayah.. and how much your family and friends loved you..
Also, I didn't want you to see me cry and be really sad the moment you leave us. I don't know, somehow i felt that you were there looking at us. I don;t want you to feel worried and sad ayah..

And when your body came home that morning.. When I looked at your face, you were smiling and you seemed so young and peaceful. Subhanallah.. Again, i felt really happy for you and didn't think that crying was the best thing to do.. Unless they were tears of joy.. I remembered how it was like kissing your forehead..

I can never forget that 3 days which had totally changed my life..
For just 3 days I was overwhelmed with so many emotions and there were point of times when I didn't know what to feel and couldn't bring myself to feel anything.. I was just so emotionally and physically drained out.. I remembered how it felt.. Holding your hands.. being so close to you.. How you looked like.. I never want to forget how you look like.. How your forehead smelled like.. How your fingers began to stiffened up.. How peaceful you look like..

I'm glad I have videos of you..
That way.. I can never forget how you sound like.. Your smile.. Your cute actions.. Your walk..

And your advice..
To selawat ke atas Nabi whenever i want to start doing my exams or whenever I'm troubled.
I shall and never will forget that ayah..

And I shall and never will forget you ayah..
Till we meet again in the Hereafter...
Insyallah...

I'll do my very best to keep the car and help ibu out..

This calendar was a gift from my sister.
He'd change the date every single day when he rides the car.
The above date was the very last day he get to drive the car..

2008-04-14T07:20:00.001-07:00

14th April 1998

Exactly 10 years ago..

We NEVER knew at that time that 10 years later, God's gonna take you away from this world. As a Muslim we have to accept and acknowledge Takdir and Death! Things happen for a reason. And He knows best.
From Him we come.. To Him we return..
Do we know what's going to happen to us in 10 years time?
Is that too long?
How about in 5 years time?
Or 2 years?
Or next year?
Or even tomorrow?

Siapa kata hanya yang tua akan mati?
Mati tidak kenal tua atau muda.
Jika ajal datang, tibalah masanya untuk kita pergi meninggalkan dunia yang fana ini..

Sempatkah aku untuk mengucap kalimah syahadah sebelum menghembuskan nafas aku yang terakhir?
Wallahualam!

Cukupkah bekalan amal jariah dan ibadah aku untuk menghadapi yang Maha Esa?
It's nothing compared to Ayah's..
Seorang suami mithali dan ayah yang sangat betanggungjawab..
I'm really scared...
For myself...

Dear ayah..

It was the first day of school.. It was also the day when I turned 19..
The first ever time "celebrating" my birthday without you..
But somehow or rather, you're always with me.. I wore the top you bought for me on my birthday a couple of years ago.. I sprayed your perfume on it. So everytime I think about you or am missing you, i'll smell my armpit.. NYEHAHAHA!

Ayah! Man.U won Arsenal! Lol! I'm closing my eyes and imagining the monkey faces and action you'll make.. Jeering me while i have my supper.. Haha! You're so cute ayah!

It was indeed a very emotional morning for me.. Especially when Ibu wished me. Only God witnessed what happened and knows how we felt at that moment..

Ibu selalu berpesan.. "takper kalau kita tak ader ayah.. Kiter masih ader Allah."

All thanks to Allah..
Maha Pengasih dan Maha Penyayang..
Yang tidak putus-putus memberi bantuan kepada kami sekeluarga..
Alhamdullillah!!!

My gratitude to Allah!!
And all!
Especially my relatives who never fail to help us out and checking on us!
I am always brought to tears when even after weeks, they buy for us food, give my siblings and i some money and calling us, just to check on us.
Honestly, I'm really touched and really really thankful to be part of the family.
(Maternal's side btw)

Kak Jaja
Thank you for always lending me a shoulder to cry on..
Making me feel at ease and secure with your presence..
For helping us out on the CPF and bank thingy..
For sleeping over and keeping us company!
WIth all your endless ghost stories and criter klaka, walaupun ader yang tak klaka and adek tak faham, adek ketawa jer..
lol!!
Thank you..
For being there and helping my family..
All the time!!
Thank you!!!
I love you!!!

Puan Saviola, I call her Yah..
Thank you for the book..
Right timing!!
I couldn't stop crying reading your messages..
Gosh.. Thank you so so much!!
the book really helps a lot!
Thank you for sleeping over and making the place more happening..
Thank you so so so so much for looking after Irfan when we had to attend to ayah..
REALLY!!!
Thank you dearest!!
Thank you!!
I love you!!

Kak Lin
Who always gives me comforting hugs and words..
I remembered the hug you gave when ayah's body arrived home..
I really couldn't take it after seeing ayah under the white cloth, Kak lin quickly grabbed me and hugged me telling me that she's here for me and she'll always be..
I can never forget that! For being there for me, when i'm at my weakest point.
And thank you for sending us to the cemetery and always willing to help us out..
Your sincerity really touched me and always making me feel so thankful..
I remembered having to watch ayah's and ibu's wedding, you were always by my dad's side and talking to him.. Even when ayah's on the pelamin!
That explains how much you two really get along with each other!
Love you kak lin!
And i know ayah loves you too!

Uncle Yahya
He's the man! who brought us to the lawyer, bank, and even came down at the cpf place just to make sure everything goes well!
Thank you! You've been such a great help!!!

To The Cadences
Nurul
Atikah
Nisa
Vina
Thank you for looking after Yann and being there for her until now.. You girls are just so sweet! ya noe! I really appreciate it.. And having to layan and look after irfan.. thank you so so much!

A message i received by one of my cousin after i talked to him abt being nice to ur parents and loving them..

"Kak ana, Dun worrie too much.. I know how badly hurt it is to lost a great dad lyke him.. But he has already left.. The only thing U can do is juz pray 4 him.. That's all i can say.. Thx for reminding me just now n only now i realize dat anything can happen that fast.. Bt dun worrie, i'll always be behind u n abg aan n yan kae. Take care.. Gd nyte.. Have a good rest.."

You're a really sweet boy..
I was touched by your message.
No matter how tough and garang you look and sound like (esp when u talk to ur parents and adek2 at times), you do have a sensitive spot in your heart..

Alhamdullillah..
Pemergiaanmu ayah, membawa byk kesan dan iktibar..

And the extended families..
Thank you so much!!!
Semoga Allah selalu murahkan rezeki kalian semua insyAllah!
Dan semoga saudara-saudara ini akan sentiasa bersatu dan bergembira selalu..

Insyallah..

I have yet to thank all my wonderful friends...
I promise i'll continue the friends section part real soon..

So sorry!

And to all those who commented..
It was really a comfort reading all those..
I really appreciate it!
Thank you all so much!

Not to forget those who wished me!
Gosh! Thank you sooooo much!!!

Alhamdullillah..
I;m just so thankful...

Ok..
Anyone who can count the number of THANK YOUs i typed in this blog will get a gift from me!
LOL!
But really i'm sincerely thanking every single one of you..
Ini tak bedek..
Ini betol..

ok..
i relly gtg..

TO BO CONTINUED...

Takdir

2008-04-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

12 days have passed and 2 days after your birthday which was yesterday..
We just got to know what exactly happened before you passed out at work..
It was something really amazing that brought me to tears immediately and felt so thankful when your friend told me about it..

Yes, abang had told us about Yann's tuition.. Your last request from your friend before you left.. Little did we know that you made that last request a few minutes before you fainted at work.. We thought you talked to your friend about Yann's tuition days before.. And no one knew that you had mengucap before you passed away.. Alhamdullillah...

Until I called Cik Madi yesterday to confirm the details about Yann's tuition.. And he told me in detail on what exactly happened..

Before you passed out..

Arwah Ayah: Madi, nanti kau tolong tanyakan anak kau untuk ajar anak aku tuition boleh eh?
Cik Madi: OK boleh no problem..

*they had some short conversation when suddenly..*

Arwah Ayah: Asyhadualah IlahaIllallah..
Cik Madi: Eh Bor, asal kau mengucap?
Arwah Ayah: Kepala aku pening.. Sakit sangat..
Cik Madi: Kalau kepala pening bukan mengucap.. Istighfar banyak banyak..

Ayah started to istighfar till he got tongue tied and he fainted. Cik Madi caught him from the back. He was then brought to NUH and warded at SICU on the 26th of March in the evening.
Never before in our life we witness you fainting or whatsoever. It was all so sudden and yes.. Shocking.. I couldn't stop trembling when I heard you fainted.. You were still unconscious by the time we get to see you....

Yann, Irfan and I reached home around 1am..
Mum and bro stayed in the hospital..

Just before I fall asleep.. I was imagining you being conscious the next day and had recovered.. I was imagining all of us together with you at the doctor's room.. and that it was time for you to go home.. the doctor was advising on what you should do to prevent all these from happening again.. Imagining that by the time you reached home u seat on the sofa feeling thankful and bringing us out once again to fish and enjoy the breeze at east coast or west coast.. Just hoping for the best..

Hoping for you to recover..

Having all those positive thoughts.. It sort of ease my mind..
And I finally fall asleep after tossing and turning around the bed..

27th March 4am
The phone vibrated..
Abang was calling..
At 4am..
In my mind.. This is not good news... Why would he call at this time..
I picked up shivering..

Abang: Adek, go get changed quickly, wake yann up.. carry irfan and go get a taxi now..
Me: Why? What happened?????
Abang: Do you have enough money?
Me: No whyyy??? What happened??
Abang: Ok once you reach the hospital call me.. I'll come down and pay the taxi bill..
Me: ABANG!! WHAT HAPPENED??
Abang: Ayah's on life support now..

My heart sank... In my mind i kept thinking.. "NO! Ayah is a strong man.. Ayah is strong.. He'll wake up.. He'll wake up.." I rushed and quickly get changed.. I could hardly breathe.. I kept asking myself and yann if all this was just a dream.. It truly felt like a dream.. Ayah's all strong and has never complained of any pain..

Carried Irfan and got a taxi..
Reached hospital..

And they said..
He was brain dead...

Called Mimiman and cried my hearts out..
Kak jaja called.. And was crying.. We cried together..
Though people say there's no hope..

I still feel that a miracle will happen..

27th Mar 11pm
Mum decided to take out his life support after much discussion with both sides of the family..
We waited for everyone to arrive...

28th Mar 12.15am onwards
Everyone gathered inside and outside(cos no space) of the ward..
Everyone read surah Al fatehah together.. And Chanted La ilaha illallah continuosly..

28th Mar 12.45am
Until the doctor came to pull out his life support..
We were still saying out the words.. La ilaha illallah.. There's no God but Allah..
Without stopping..

28th Mar 12.57am- Friday
His heart stopped beating...

2++++am
They brought him back to our house..
My legs felt really weak and i began crying.. To see your own dad being wrapped by a white cloth and his face being covered as well.. Gosh.. I can't describe the feeling..Only God knows..

Everyone went back home..
After reading Yassin..
I opened the cloth which was covering my dad's face..
Masyallah! Subhanallah!!
His face....
It was exactly how i looked at him when i was about irfan's age.. around 4 to 5 years old..
He looked so young.. And really handsome.. and peaceful... very bersih..

And when i kissed his forehead.. It felt so cold..
I couldn't stop staring at him and i kept smiling seeing his face..
He seemed very calm and peaceful.. Alhamdullillah..

Bro slept on the floor and i slept on the sofa..

Around subuh, i saw my mum beside my dad..
I joined her.. And she said.. "manis eh muka ayah?"
I tot i was the only one who thought he looked really gorgeous..

Alhamdullillah..
Everything went smoothly..
After solat jenazah at home..
We proceeded to Al Mukminin for the men to solat Jumaat..
Baru solat jenazah..

Right after that,
Abang told us that everyone was pushing each other to carry ayah's keranda to the van..
Subhanallah! He passed away on a friday and during the month of maulidur rasul.. The chosen ones.. Alhamdullillah!

Alhamdullillah..
Ayah pergi dengan tenang dan semua berjalan dengan lancar..
Semoga rohnya dicucuri olehMu dan dihapuskan segala dosanya..
Dia seorang suami yang mithali dan ayah yang sangat rajin dan bertanggungjawab..
Selama 28 tahun ayah bekerja membanting tulang demi untuk mencari rezeki..
Dia ingin kami sekeluarga senang..

Imagine this.. For the past 3 and a half years living in this house..
None of us had actually open up the letterbox to retrieve all the mails..
Only dad did that.. Not even once anyone of us open up the letter box..

I looked through his payslip..
He worked at least 100 hours of overtime every month..
Just for us

He's a really great dad...

And i think blogging rite now is so much more meaningful..
Cos it's like writing a letter to him...

=D

Thank you Allah for reminding us about death and yes everything happens with a reason..
I can talk to abang now.. =) shares stuffs with him.. Our family grew stronger and we're much more closer than usual.. ALhamdullillah..

But for u my dear friends..
We do not have to wait for something like this to happen before you start being nice to your family members..

I admit that i was kinda laid back..
ok wait..
Very laid back..
But I felt very secure when dad was around..
Having to bump onto him at the mrt station on the way to school made my day..
Having to bump onto him at the platform when i was going out with Hazmi made my day..
Seeing his actions and cute wobbly walk made me smile and made my day..

I can't sleep whenever you snore...
But now.. I can't sleep when you're no longer there to snore...

I'm gonna miss having someone to tease me and make fun of me by making funny monkey faces and actions when arsenal lose..
I miss having someone to laugh at and jump with joy when man u lost..
No one to cut the birthday cake together anymore..
Our birthdays are only separated by 8 days...

But Allah loves you more and we know, He knows that you're really tired..
You really need to rest.. After all those times you sacrificed for your family..

I promise to look after ibu ok ayah??
i promise to jaga irfan and yann k ayah?
adek tak gado ngan abang lagi..

Ayah rest well ok?

Insyallah..
Kita akan bertemu di akhirat nanti...
Ayah akan selalu ada di dalam doa adek..

Semoga Allah memberi ibu kekuatan dan ketabahan..
She's a strong woman...

I'll stop here for now..
I have yet to thank all those who came down and sms-ed..
Thank you guys so much..
Semoga Allah membalas jasa awak semua..
Insyallah...

PS: I love you.. (this was the last book he bought for me)

Day 13th..

2008-04-08T22:45:00.000-07:00

Dear Ayah,

ayah ..
belum pun ada satu hari yang berlalu
tanpa ku mengenangmu ..
terkilan hati ini menerima hakikat
kau tak berkesempatan menyaksikan hasil perjuanganku
percayalah ayah ..
selagi hidup ini, nasib ibu tidak akan dipersiakan
kami rindu ayah ..

sering ku tanya mana tujuan
namun hampa jawapannya
begitupun masa tiada mengizinkan
perginya tinggalkan semua

perjuangan diperjuangkan
demi Tuhan dia rela
menghitung hari-hari mengenangkan kembali
perginya bertemu Ilahi
bilakah pasti

ayah .. demi Tuhan ku bersyukur
petunjukNya menyedarkan kita
meskipun dosa tiap hari ku pinta
agar bersih semuanya
penderitaan dan perjuangan
jasamu tetap ku kenang

suatu yang sedih bergumpal di hati
tiada mampu ku beri
hanya doa terukir setulusnya murni
ku pinta padaMu Ilahi
setiap hari

ayah .. demi Tuhan ku bersyukur
petunjukNya menyedarkan kita
meskipun dosa tiap hari ku pinta
agar bersih semuanya
penderitaan dan perjuangan
jasamu tetap ku kenang
ohh ayah ..

Will update at night soon InsyAllah..

Semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya..

=)

PS:I LOVE YOU..